


All Those Shadows Almost Killed Your Light

by TheAvengersMascot



Series: With A Broken Heart That's Still Beating [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Spoilers, Angst, Canon Divergence, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Gen, Individual chapters will have warnings when needed, Loki Feels, Loki's mind is way beyond a bag of cats, Memory Loss, Night Terrors, Past Abuse, Past Brainwashing, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Thor Feels, Thor: The Dark World Spoilers, all the feels, coulson feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-21 14:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2471501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAvengersMascot/pseuds/TheAvengersMascot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As far as such things go, the dumbfounded silence with which Thor regarded Coulson might have been comical under other circumstances but the way his thoughts ground to a halt tangled by fear and confusion left no room for laughter. When he found his voice once more, there was only one thing Thor could say.</p><p>"You're dead."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _All characters belong to Marvel_
> 
>  
> 
> Continuation of this [norsekink prompt.](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/13205.html?thread=32599701#t32893333)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _So it's been a bit more than a few weeks. (facepalm). That'll teach me to give an ETA when I haven't even started writing the thing. I realized partway through I really needed to see at least the first episode of AoS to clarify a few things. The good news is, this story is finished and updates should be every few days. I just haven't decided on the final chapter count because I'm not sure I'm going to keep the chapters divided the way I have them now, hence the question mark. This first chapter is a bit short but rest assured, there is a lot more coming._
> 
>  
> 
> _Onward ho!_

As far as such things go, the dumbfounded silence with which Thor regarded Coulson might have been comical under other circumstances but the way his thoughts ground to a halt tangled by fear and confusion left no room for laughter. When he found his voice once more, there was only one thing Thor could say.

"You're dead."

Coulson's lips twitched, not quite forming a smile. "Yes, I was. I asked Sif not to say anything to you because I wanted to explain it myself but that's going to have to wait. Mind if we come in?"

Thor stepped back a pace to allow their entry and closed the door behind them, wondering how much fun the Norns were having at his expense by constantly sending new problems to keep him off-balance. "I saw you die."

"You did, Thor, and I promise you I found the whole thing just as disturbing as you do but we really need to talk about something more important." Coulson gestured to the woman at his side. "This is Agent Melinda May, my second in command."

The woman merely nodded at Thor in greeting. She kept a placid exterior, much like Hogun, but also like him her poise and carriage was that of a warrior. Thor had no doubt she was a woman who knew how to handle herself and anyone else who might stand in her way.

"Two weeks ago," Coulson went on, "there was an unusual spike in interstellar activity at this location. We detected three Einstein-Rosen bridge connections in less than twelve hours. Three days ago, Dr. Foster contacted Tony Stark asking if he had any information on magic users in the data he stole from SHIELD's database. Not twenty-four hours later you received a visit from Steven Strange and while we were on the way here, we were told you had a second visit from the good doctor. And believe it or not, none of those things is the main reason why we're here."

Coulson paused there while he opened a folder containing a tablet computer. "Yesterday our government received a rather odd communiqué from Asgard. It took us a bit of time to get past the encryption and read it, which is why we didn't come until today. It seem they've had to convene some kind of interim ruling council because the queen is missing, the king is dead, and nobody seems to know the whereabouts of the crown prince. Since Asgard is home to an allegedly all-seeing guardian, I find that last one exceptionally strange, don't you?" When Thor did not offer any response, Coulson asked, "Any light you'd care to shed on the matter?"

In truth, he didn't know where to start. It was unnerving to think SHIELD, or at the very least Coulson knew as much as he did. Even if they appeared to be in the dark about Loki, the amount information they had was startling. However, it paled in comparison to the other revelation, the news from Asgard. Thor hadn't had much time to think about the aftermath of his deeds there while he searched for something to help his brother but now that he was, he wondered how he could have let it slip his mind. Asgard was without a king or regent, a state which could only be tolerated so long. The fact that no one had yet come to bid his return home was remarkable or would be but for Heimdall's apparent interference, which itself was an oddity. The gatekeeper knew exactly where he was. Thor hadn't the knowledge nor the means to conceal himself the way Loki did but even if he had, Heimdall sent them to Midgard. He knew full well where the crown prince was yet he lied, and to the council no less. That was, as Coulson already put it, exceptionally strange.

"I don't know," he said at last.

Something about the tone must have sounded odd to Coulson because his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you all right?"

Thor looked back and forth between the two agents, both of whom were watching him with a wariness in their eyes. "Yes... yes I am. I have had a lot on my mind of late."

"I see," Coulson said. "Anything you'd like to share? I'm told I'm a good listener."

"Not at the moment." It was difficult to keep his eyes from straying over in the direction of the bedroom while he spoke.

"Look Thor, I came here as a friend," Coulson explained. "You probably know SHIELD is not what it once was. As of right now, me and my team are pretty much the entire organization. The only reason I'm aware of the communiqué was because one of my people hacked into the NSA. The message from Asgard wasn't hostile but if it turns out this was an assassination or the beginning of a coup, that could change fast. We can't afford to alienate or antagonize a government with as much firepower as Asgard's. If they think we were any way involved with this, or if they conclude we're keeping you here for our own ends, Earth just doesn't have the means to defend itself. Maybe this is just internal political wrangling that we don't understand but if not, then I would strongly encourage you to go home and sort things out before anyone gets the wrong idea."

Though not sure what he would say, Thor opened his mouth to give an answer. Before he could speak however, he was cut off by a loud noise.

Screaming.

And it was coming from Loki's room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Just so we're all on the same page, this fic takes place after Captain America: The Winter Soldier but before the season two premiere of AoS. If you haven't watched the series, there may be some unfamiliar jargon. The "Bus" is the cargo plane that was the team's homebase/HQ for most of season one. "Lola" is Coulson's beloved red convertible (which I'm pretty sure is supposed to be the same flying car Howard Stark was trying to show off at the first Stark Expo in Captain America)._
> 
> **Warning:** Somebody has a bit of a breakdown in this chapter. I won't say more than that because of spoilers but anyone worried about triggers please reread the tags because they start to come into play here.

Thor ran heedless of the two mortals calling after him. He threw open the bedroom door to find Loki lying in an unconscious heap on the floor and Jane standing a few feet away looking caught between reaching out to him and running away.

"What happened?" he asked, crouching low to gather Loki in to his arms.

"I don't know," she said in a rush. "One second he was asleep and the next he was screaming and thrashing around. Then he just passed out again."

"Thor what... oh my god," Coulson exclaimed, though he was partly drowned out by Jane screaming at the sight of him.

Thor turned partway around and behind him were Coulson and May. They had followed him and she already had her weapon drawn and aimed at Loki but Coulson was standing stock still. Thor bit back the urge to curse but couldn't restrain himself from wincing. He hadn't been quick enough to conceal Loki's face from the others and now the people he'd tried so very hard to hide from knew the truth.

"Is that-"

"My brother," Thor filled in, shifting so he shielded most of Loki's body with his own.

"You... you..." Jane stammered as she pointed at Coulson.

"Yeah," he replied vacantly. 

"We need to bring him in," May said, eyes fixed on Loki.

"He is no threat. You have my word," Thor promised.

"It doesn't work that way," she told him. "He needs to be contained and you need to give us some answers.

"I will explain but I will not allow you to lock him away."

"Coulson-"

"What did your people do to him?" Coulson said abruptly, talking over his subordinate.

Unnoticed by Thor while he was arguing with May, Coulson had come closer, no doubt to have a better view of Loki. From where he now stood he could see the extent of what Odin's spell had done.

"He was subjected to a powerful spell that was killing him. That is why Dr. Strange was here. We needed his assistance to break it."

Coulson was silent as he stared at the face of his killer and Thor couldn't help but tighten his grip on his brother. The man's face had gone pale, his features slack with shock. Thor could only wait, his whole body tense as he readied himself to defend Loki if either Coulson or May took action. He had no way of knowing what effect mortal weapons would have on Loki in his weakened state and would do anything to keep from finding out.

"Coulson," May said again, her weapon still at the ready.

"Call Simmons," he said, still focused on Loki. "Tell her to prep the medical bay."

"You are not taking him," Thor insisted. 

"We can't do this here," Coulson replied. "I'm willing to hear you out but not until I'm confident he isn't a threat."

"I've already told you he isn't."

"Thor, this is us asking nicely," Coulson said in a tone that brooked no argument. "There's enough juice in that gun to take out even an Asgardian. If we really wanted to we could take both of you down right now and you wouldn't wake up until next Thursday. Loki's last visit to our world led to thousands of deaths, including my own, but you've saved this world a few times so I'm willing to hear you out, which is the best offer you're going to get. Any other intelligence agencies get wind of his being here and there will be no bargaining involved. On the off chance they don't shoot him on sight, they'll extract him to a black site where he'll be tortured for information before, I'm sure, dying in an 'unfortunate accident'."

"Your director Fury once wished to do the same to him and now you expect me to entrust his well-being to you?" Thor scoffed.

Coulson knelt so they were eye to eye. "Look I'll be honest, I'm not exactly thrilled to see him again but from the way he looks and what we know from Asgard's message it's clear there's a lot that's happened since we last met that you'll need to fill us in on. Now I do want my people to examine him but as long as he doesn't do anything to threaten them or anyone else then I'm prepared to trust you. In any case, Fury isn't running things anymore. I am, and torture is not the way I do things. If you want to keep him safe, you need to come with us now."

He waved at May, who lowered her weapon but didn't holster it until he gave her a pointed look.

"I'm trusting you," he said, turning back to Thor. "Do you trust me?"

"You, yes. Your people..." Thor trailed off, nodding his head toward May.

"If he doesn't give me a reason to shoot, I won't," she stated in answer to his unfinished thought.

It wasn't the most reassuring promise Thor ever received. Given the alternatives laid out by Coulson however, he knew the man was right. His allies with authority on the mortal realm were few and should anyone other than SHIELD, or what was left of them, come after him the results could be fatal for Loki. Worse still would be if any of the corrupt elements which infiltrated SHIELD were to get their hands on him. Those individuals who thought nothing of snuffing out millions of lives would surely want to use Loki and his power for their own evil ends. In the end the choice was obvious, if not one he would deem appealing. Before agreeing though, there was something he needed to know first.

"What about Jane?"

Coulson shifted his gaze over to her. "I think it's better if you stay here."

"She will be safe?" Thor asked. He knew he had put her in an awkward position by bringing Loki to her residence but if his doing so put her in danger as well, he would never forgive himself.

"I have some contacts in London from the old days," May spoke up. "They can keep an eye out."

Thor waited until Jane gave him a faint nod, approving the plan. "Very well. I accept your terms."

~~~|~~~

Coulson drove Lola, his beloved red convertible, out of London and toward the old military base where the Bus was waiting. More than once along the trip, he wished they'd had the time to fix the car's roof before then. Just having someone who looked like Thor in the back seat of a convertible would have attracted enough attention but a Thor cuddling Loki to his chest to keep his face hidden from any curious eyes made them even more of a spectacle. And that didn't even touch how strange it was to have those two passengers in particular.

Loki was back. How does that even happen without anyone knowing? Sure, he didn't look so great. In fact he looked like he was dying of some kind of wasting disease but still, the same guy who rained hell down on New York in the form of an alien army came back and nobody noticed. With the world of social media they lived in now, that should have been impossible but there he was. Sitting, or rather laying in the back seat. It was only through sheer force of will that Coulson was able to turn his back on the psycho while he drove. Somehow even with Thor there, the idea still made him nervous.

The drive to the base was mostly silent. May had squeezed herself in the back seat with the two Asgardians so she could act quickly if there was a problem. Coulson may have overstated the effect of the ICER bullets on Asgardians to make his point with Thor but at close range, it should incapacitate them for a few seconds at least. May never took her eyes off the sleeping bundle in Thor's arms but Coulson's gaze kept being drawn to Thor in the rear view mirror. Somehow he looked older than ever before. On the surface Thor had never looked like the ancient being he was. The only time he looked like something other than a young man was during their conversation on the helicarrier as he reflected on his war-mongering, misspent youth. The Thor in the backseat today seemed even older than that. Coulson would almost say he could see every one of Thor's one thousand plus years on his face and he was pretty sure he didn't want to know what could put that kind of strain on someone like him.

Coulson pulled into the back of the plane, spying the rest of the team waiting just beyond the cargo bay. They all looked nervous, Simmons most of all. With Lola parked it was up to Thor to maneuver himself and his brother out of the car, which he did with surprising grace.

Skye was the first one to come close. She stopped at Coulson's side. "That's him?"

"Yeah."

She crinkled her nose a little as she watched Thor walk past her to the isolation room. "Doesn't exactly look like the 'kneel before me' type."

"He was very different a year ago."

"Must have been," she replied. Turning back to him she asked, "So how are you with the whole staring your murderer in the face thing?"

All Coulson could say was, "It's not what I thought it would be like."

His vague reply would probably frustrate Skye a bit but there was little Coulson could do about it when he was still figuring it out himself. Once the initial, and admittedly frightening shock of seeing Loki again passed, Coulson was left with something of a numb feeling. Sure Loki made him nervous and he would make damn sure any sharp objects would be kept well away the would-be conqueror. Still, there wasn't any of the abject fear or rage he had anticipated, and any thoughts of retribution were passing at best. Maybe it was that he knew deep down that vengeance doesn't solve anything, or maybe it had something to do with how pathetic Loki looked. Either way, he hadn't sorted it out yet.

Coulson and Skye followed Thor and the others into the isolation room. He waited until Loki was in bed and properly restrained before catching May's eye. "Get us in the air."

From the way she pursed her lips, she wasn't happy about being asked to leave the room. Melinda was nothing if not professional though, and never argued with him in front of the team. All she said was, "Where to?"

"Anywhere. Just get us off the ground."

She went but not before giving Triplett a look that suggested if he let anything happen while she was gone there would be hell to pay. There was also another glare aimed at him and Coulson felt a sudden urge to put on full-body armor before he spoke to her again.

"Is this necessary?" Thor asked, running his fingers over the heavy leather straps encircling Loki's bony wrists and ankles.

"For now yes. It's for our safety." _And my peace of mind,_ he chose not to add.

"I understand. It's only... I fear for his state of mind if he awakens bound thus."

"We'll deal with that when it happens," Coulson told him. "In the meantime, I think it's time you explain what this is all about."

Thor looked around the room at the team. His whole manner, from the rigid way he held his shoulders to the way his fingers fidgeted with the restraints, radiated discomfort. "I would prefer not to."

Coulson crossed his arms. "Thor, if you want us to believe Loki isn't a threat, then you need to tell us why."

"Is there somewhere we may speak alone?"

"You can trust my people."

"It's not about trust," Thor replied. He gazed down at Loki for a long moment before regarding Coulson again. "It is a private matter. If I must explain then I will, but only to you and only if I have your word that it will not spread beyond your ears."

Because he'd never seen Thor act this way, it took Coulson a beat to realize that Thor was scared. He was actually scared. Whatever happened back in Asgard had spooked him something fierce and anything that could do that, definitely bore paying attention to.

"All right. We'll talk in my office." He gestured to the door and Thor reluctantly left his brother behind. Out of his earshot, Coulson turned to Simmons. "Run whatever non-invasive tests you can while we're gone."

"Okay, but it may not do any good," she said. "We don't have anything like a baseline for him. There's no way to tell what his normal stats are."

Coulson nodded. "Do it anyway. We need to get a handle on this fast."

"Understood."

Simmons went to work, beckoning Skye over to help her. Triplett kept watch over them with one hand ready on his gun. Coulson left them to it and joined Thor who was watching the girls through a window. 

"What are they doing?" he asked, looking like he was a second away from charging back in to stop them.

"Standard procedure," Coulson explained. "Nothing you would object to. It's this way."

He pointed the way to his office and Thor dragged himself away from the isolation room with visible reluctance. As they walked, the sound of the engines coming to life reverberated through the cabin and by the time they reached his office, the plane was taxiing down the runway. He closed the door but didn't lock it. If things went south with Loki he didn't want even the slight delay of a locked door between them and his people. For Thor's comfort however, he did activate the counter-surveillance measures, ensuring no one could eavesdrop on their discussion. Despite the assurance of privacy, Thor seemed no less agitated as he paced the small room. Coulson elected to sit on the edge of the desk instead of behind it so he could project a less formal air, hoping it would set Thor at ease and encourage him to talk.

"So what happened? Why is he here?"

Thor didn't halt his pacing. "Because I brought him here."

"That's not an answer."

That got him to stop. Thor scrubbed his hands over his face before using them to grab on to the back of one of the chairs and hunch over it. "You recall the convergence, yes?"

"Yeah, we noticed that one."

"Before Malekith attempted to use the Aether here, he attacked Asgard to recover it. He failed, but not before he killed my mother. I lured him to his own realm and perpetrated a ruse to make him remove the Aether from Jane whereupon I intended to destroy it, but I failed. We tried again on Midgard and here we succeeded."

Coulson crossed his arms again. "Thor, I'm sure this is interesting but I don't understand why you insisted on secrecy, since this was all in the report SHIELD took from you six months ago."

"I omitted certain details," Thor admitted.

"Such as?"

"Loki was with me. It was only with his help that we were able to draw Malekith to Svartalfheim."

Somehow, the news wasn't as surprising as it should have been. "Let me guess, he talked you into springing him from jail."

Thor ducked his head a little. "No. It was the reverse, in fact."

Okay, there was the surprise. Somehow the image of Thor masterminding a prison break just wouldn't come to Coulson.

"Odin forbade use of the bifrost but Loki knows of other means to travel the realms. He is the one who got us out of Asgard and it was his magic that allowed us to deceive Malekith. During the altercation that followed, Loki risked his life to save Jane and when I was pinned down by one of Malekith's Kursed, he came to my aid as well. He killed the creature but was mortally wounded himself. He... died in my arms."

Just hearing about Loki running around free with Thor set a chill running up Coulson's spine. It was almost hard to believe Thor trusted Loki enough to set him free, even temporarily. He couldn't see himself doing the same for Ward any time soon. Yet Thor not only trusted Loki, but he painted a pretty noble picture of his brother in the retelling, one that seemed at odds with the man who pontificated on humanity's need for an absolute ruler. Most of the story made next to no sense at all but one thing in particular stood out.

"You know," Coulson remarked. "For a dead guy, he screams pretty loud."

Thor sighed and let go of the chair to pace a little more. "I know not how he survived or how he tricked me into believing he hadn't. All I know is that sometime after Jane and I came to Earth, he returned to Asgard. Our mother's death took a heavy toll on Odin but no one suspected how much. When he saw Loki, he lost all sense. He trapped Loki and forced him to take on our mother's form, then cast another spell to make him believe he was her. He told our people he used certain dark magicks to bring her back. I knew none of this until Sif came to tell me something wasn't right with the queen."

The churning anxiety in Coulson's stomach that started when he first saw Loki took a turn toward nauseating on hearing that. His own complicated feelings aside, it was hard not to feel disgusted that a father could do what Thor was describing to someone he once called 'son'. Thor's desire for secrecy was understandable now. In fact Coulson would have been perfectly fine to end the discussion there and pretend it never happened but he couldn't really pretend they didn't have an Asgardian psychopath downstairs in the infirmary, much as he might like to. Swallowing down his discomfort, he encouraged Thor to go on.

"That was the first bifrost touchdown, I take it?"

"Yes," Thor said. He stopped his restless motion and stood with his back turned and fists clenched at his sides. "I went back with Sif and found my father lost to madness. Whatever façade he managed to maintain in my absence crumbled when he saw me. I tried to reason with him at first but he was deranged beyond my imagining. There was nothing resembling my father left in him."

Another piece of the story clicked into place for Coulson. "It was you, wasn't it?" he asked. "You killed Odin."

The way Thor hung his head would have confirmed it even if he hadn't said it. "I wish with all my heart there had been another way, but he had no intention of ever releasing Loki from the spell, nor would he have allowed me to do so. I could not bear leaving my brother to that fate."

Coulson nodded, a pang of sympathy for Thor twinging in his chest. He'd had to make his share of hard decisions over his career and would surely have to make more as the new director of SHIELD but even with all that, he couldn't imagine having to choose between a father and a brother, let alone fathom needing to outright kill one to save the other. That Thor was holding it together at all was a feat Coulson wasn't sure anyone else would manage.

"So if Odin's dead and you're here, where does that leave Asgard?"

Thor at last lifted his head and turned to face him again. "I don't know. In truth, until you arrived with that missive I'd not thought of it at all." He paused, his eyes going distant with thought. "There is protocol for a council to take power if the king dies without heirs but I don't believe it was ever needed before. And Heimdall confounds me. He knows full well where I am. Why would he deny knowledge of my whereabouts?"

"I was hoping you could tell me." Coulson thought over the contents of the message again, trying to find any clues about what might be going on in Asgard. "Thor, does Heimdall know what you did to free Loki?"

"He must. I cannot block his sight. Unless..." he trailed off, lost in thought.

"Unless what?"

"When I arrived there with Sif, he told me of a darkness shrouding the palace. Odin must have done something to conceal his deeds, otherwise Heimdall would have known the truth of who the queen was far sooner. With such a working in place he may not have seen what I did, though he knows what followed. I'm sure he could discern the rest."

"And what would happen to you if it was public knowledge you killed the king?"

Thor winced. "A trial, most likely."

"Is it possible he's trying to protect you from that?"

"I don't know," Thor replied, throwing his hands up in the air and shaking his head at the same time. Clearly he was as confused by the whole situation as Coulson was. While they both silently tried to puzzle out what the hell it all meant, the intercom chimed. Coulson hit the button to turn off the security measures and accepted the call. "This better be an emergency."

" _Uh yeah, I think it qualifies_ ," Skye's voice answered him. " _Simmons says our patient is waking up_."

Thor was out the door faster than a man of his bulk should have been able to move, which Coulson might have been more impressed with if the Asgardian had actually waited for it to open instead of forcing it with such violence that it ceased to function as a door.

"Damn," he sighed, getting up off the desk to follow Thor. "I just had that fixed."

~~~|~~~

"This is weird," Skye said for the third time because what else was there to say with a waif of an alien on the infirmary bed? By the way, did we mention this was the same alien who killed Coulson? Yup, _that_ alien.

"You said that already," Simmons replied, though her focus was on the readouts the EEG and other instrument things were giving her.

"I know, but... look, we all saw the news reports about New York. In your head you think this guy's gotta be some kind of monster, right? And then you see this," she gestured in Loki's general direction. "I mean, he looks like he escaped from the terminal wing of a cancer ward. How did he ever command an army?"

Maybe it was just because this was the first good look she'd ever had of Loki, but even after Coulson said he looked different during his invasion attempt, she still couldn't imagine him as anything other than the skin and bone creature strapped to the bed. And speaking of skin...

"And why on earth does he look like he's doing an impression of a cloudy day?" Swaths of blue and white were swirling over Loki's exposed skin.

"I don't know," Simmons said, her voice a tight with tension. "I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know. I'm flying blind with all this. His heart rate and respiration are normal for a human but is that normal for him? I have no idea."

The words flew from her mouth so fast Skye was almost lost for a second. The only time Simmons talked at the speed of light was when she was really anxious and Skye felt compelled to try and placate her. 

"Whoa, slow down. I'm sure Coulson doesn't expect you to have all the answers after a few minutes. Just, you know, give him a basic rundown. You said his heart rate and breathing are normal. What else have you got?"

Jemma took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "All right. His blood pressure is ninety-five over sixty. It's low but not alarmingly so. As for the EEG, well, if he were human I would say the readings indicate he's in a state of deep relaxation."

"Aren't most people relaxed when they're unconscious?" Trip asked. 

"Not quite like this. It's almost like a deep hypnotic state."

"He's hypnotized?" Skye and Triplett asked at the same time. They glanced at each other and she said, "Okay, let's try not to do that too often." Looking back and Jemma, she repeated, "He's hypnotized?"

"Maybe?" Simmons answered with a nervous shrug. "But he's an alien. Maybe it's normal for him to..." she trailed off as one of the machines beeped at her.

Skye was no medical expert but she didn't have to be to recognize what the sudden change in the EEG readout meant. "Is he-"

"I think he's waking up," Simmons gasped, backing away from the table.

Triplett drew his gun and stepped closer to the bed to give himself a clear shot. Behind him, Skye tapped her ear piece to call Coulson but got nothing but static. She had a moment of panic before it dawned on her it might just be that Coulson had turned on the counter-surveillance measures and radio signals wouldn't get through. She lunged for the bus's intercom instead.

"Come on, come on," she muttered, anxious for an answer. The boss sure picked a hell of a time for his little pirvate confab with Thor.

" _This better be an emergency._ "

"Uh, yeah. I think it qualifies. Simmons says our patient is waking up."

Somewhere not so far away, there came the sound of metal groaning, quickly followed by thunderous footsteps. Thor burst through the door just about the same time Loki started screaming.

"What have you done to him?" Thor demanded, eyes blazing and voice sounding like he was moments away from living up to his mythological moniker.

"Nothing!" Simmons yelped, shrinking back to hide behind Trip. "We hardly touched him."

In the space of just a few seconds, Loki had progressed into a full-on meltdown. He screamed and thrashed on the bed but his eyes were still shut tight so it was anyone's guess if he was really awake or not. Coulson appeared in the doorway a few seconds after Thor and looked every bit as haunted as he had before.

"Remove these bindings!" Thor bellowed over Loki's howling.

"We can't, not when he's like this," Coulson shouted back.

Thor's response was in an unfamiliar language but from his snarling tone, he had to be swearing. The team could only look on as Thor ripped the restraints free from the bed with about as much effort as any of them would put forth tearing a piece of paper. The heart monitor screeched, displaying a flatline as all the scuffling dislodged it from Loki's hand. Newly free to move he flailed himself right off the bed, hitting the floor with a dull thud. As he scrambled away from them in a sort of crab-walk, Skye caught a glimpse of one red eye and one green. Despite their differing colours, both of them were wide and filled with the same absolute, unreasoning terror. Thor crouched down beside him but to her surprise, Loki pulled away from him too.

"Loki, it's me. It's Thor." His tone was almost eerily placid compared with the feral sound he made seconds earlier and Skye almost couldn't believe it came from the same mouth. 

He reached out to his brother but Loki did his best to smack Thor's hands away. The attempt was so pitiful that Skye's heart broke a little despite knowing he was the guy who caused her boss and so many others such pain.

Thor caught Loki's hands with little effort. "Loki, please."

Loki kept fighting as if he hadn't heard Thor at all. Well, 'fight' was a generous description. He had about as much coordination as a newborn foal. He was still trying to get away but Thor had his hands trapped so he kicked out with his spindly legs, which was about as effective as you'd think against someone of Thor's strength. With a move that looked well-practised, Thor somehow spun Loki around so his brother's back was against his chest. He kept a hold of Loki's hands while doing it, with the end result that Loki's arms were crossed in front of him and Thor was left holding his wrists at Loki's sides, basically making himself a human straight jacket. By then, Loki had stopped screaming but the frantic sobbing he started doing instead was no less disturbing.

"Loki, it's me," Thor practically crooned. "It's all right. You're safe."

Thor kept repeating the words almost like a mantra and miracle of miracles, Loki started to calm down. The desperate crying became softer whimpers and now that he wasn't in panic mode, Skye noticed something else was happening. The longer the two Asgardians sat there together, the more blue disappeared from Loki's skin. By the time the whimpers faded into slightly laboured breathing, all the blue had been replaced by a sallow white. Now he looked less like an alien, but more like a cancer patient.

While Thor kept murmuring soothing things into Loki's ear, Skye sidled over to Coulson. "So... what was all that about?"

He was still staring at Thor and Loki when he answered, "I honestly don't know."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit more AoS vocab: 
> 
> The "Cage" is an interrogation room/prison cell/guest quarters on the plane. (they've locked people up in there but it's also where Sif was quartered when she was there so I guess it's multi-purpose.)
> 
> The "Playground" is Koenig's nickname for the last super-secret base SHIELD had that was untouched by the whole HYDRA thing and which is now their headquarters.
> 
> No warnings needed for this chapter.

Loki stayed awake just long enough to calm down and then fell back asleep. Or unconscious, or... something. Skye and the others watched Thor pick up his brother and set him back on the bed. He removed the restraints that were still circling his limbs and which now served no purpose since they were no longer attached to the bed. At some point during the commotion the plane had reached a cruising altitude and they were rejoined by May, who looked no more happy now than before, though she mellowed a little once she understood Loki had been the one doing all the screaming and not any of them. 

With her back, Coulson pulled Simmons out of the room to fill him in on what she learned so far, agent Triplett going with them. Now that Loki was out again, the place was so quiet the silence was almost claustrophobic

"That some kind of Asgardian jujitsu?" Skye asked, just for something to fill the silence.

"Pardon?" Thor replied, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from his brother.

"That hold thing you put him in."

"No."

And then there was more silence. Ugh. _Since when is Thor the terse one_ , she wondered. "How did you know it would work to calm him down?"

Thor turned his eyes back to Loki and began stroking his brother's head. Skye felt another unwilling tug at her heartstrings at the sight. Bad enough that Mr. I-will-subjugate-you wasn't even strong enough to stand, but now Thor looked like a concerned father soothing his sick child. He was even holding Loki's hand, for god's sake.

"As a child, he was often plagued by nightmares," Thor explained.

"Most kids are at some point in their life."

"Not like this. Loki would scream and toss about in his sleep and nothing we did would awaken him. At times he would even climb out of bed to flee from whatever was frightening him so."

"Sounds more like a night terror," May spoke up.

It was a huge effort on Skye's part not to gape at her fellow agent. May didn't seem overly fond of either Loki or Thor so the fact that she was showing an interest at all was shocking. At least it was, until Skye realized it wasn't interest. It was intelligence gathering.

"That's what we call that kind of episode here," Skye filled in for Thor's benefit. And to try and help with the subtle interrogation.

He nodded. "It is an apt name for it. They grew severe enough that our parents sought a healer. She told us waking him when he was in such a state would accomplish nothing and we should only endeavour to keep him from hurting himself until it passed. We were yet young enough to share the same chamber so it often fell to me to keep him safe from himself at night."

"So you came up with that hold."

"Yes."

"Big responsibility to put on a little kid," May said.

"It was not solely mine to bear," Thor told her. "We had nursemaids. Our parents too would intervene if it was necessary. Most nights it was not so bad that I could not take care of him on my own, though. In fact more often than not, the episodes passed more swiftly when it was only he and I, not a host of voices trying to hush him."

A few hours ago Skye would have laughed at the idea she might ever feel sympathy for Loki. Hell, the guy killed Coulson, stabbed him right through the heart! Seeing how frail he was now coupled with the story Thor just told them made both Asgardians seem, oddly enough, _human_. Somehow it never occurred to her to think of either one of them as anything other than these powerful alien beings. The idea that they had lives before New York or that they were children once too never seemed real before and she wasn't sure how to feel now that it was.

"Do you think that's what he just had?" May asked.

Thor regarded her with narrowed eyes. "Perhaps."

"In my experience night terrors are usually caused by some sort of trauma or severe stress."

The way Thor's eyes flashed at May made Skye's heart leap up into her throat and for a second she thought they might actually shoot lightning. 

"I know what you're doing," he said, voice a low rumble. "You have already asked much of me bringing my brother here. Do not test me by asking for more."

Unbothered by the warning, May hardly blinked. "I'm doing my job. Coulson thinks he can trust you. If you betray that trust it won't be him you answer to it'll be me and unlike him, I don't have a soft spot for you."

While they eyed each other like two predators deciding whether or not to fight to the death, Skye pressed her back to the wall and did her best impression of the invisible woman.

"Your opinion of me is of no concern. Loki is my only family and I have already put him at risk more than I ever wanted to."

"You aren't the only one taking a risk here," May countered. "We're still being hunted because of what HYDRA did to SHIELD. Everyone out there still thinks we're the enemy. If anyone, and I do mean anyone, finds out we're harbouring the guy responsible for the battle of New York, there's every chance we'll be shot out of the sky. You've thrown one hell of a monkey wrench into all of our business."

After a few more seconds of glaring, Thor heaved a heavy sigh. "Then you should have left us alone. I didn't want this, not for Loki or any of you."

"That wasn't an option," Coulson said as he reentered the room followed by a tentative Simmons. He came to a stop just at the foot of the bed. "We need you to level with us. What is going on with him?"

Thor glanced around the room at the whole team staring at him. He didn't answer Coulson, who crossed his arms when he decided he'd waited long enough. "I know why you asked for privacy given what you told me before but once your brother wakes up for real we're going to find out what's wrong with him anyway. We've already had a glimpse of it, so you might as well tell us the rest."

Apparently, even Norse gods weren't immune to the combined stares of Coulson and May. Just a few seconds in, Thor caved. "The spell I told you of, it put great strain on his mind. Dr. Strange warned us that once it was removed, Loki would be left in a state of severe confusion."

"Define severe."

"He may lose his very identity."

"Hang on," Skye blurted out. "You let us bring a crazy, homicidal, amnesiac on board and didn't think that was something we needed to know?" 

By the time it registered in her head that she said the words out loud, Thor was past the shock of them and had moved on to being affronted. "I did not ask to be brought here, nor would I have allowed it if I thought he was a risk to any of you. You saw how he was here," he said, waving at the corner of the room Loki had cowered in. "I daresay he fears you far more than you do him."

"It's usually the frightened ones who are the most dangerous," May countered.

"He is incapable of anything dangerous!" Thor... growled? Yeah, growled was the right word, which made Skye wonder just how wise it was to keep pushing someone who went by the name 'God of Thunder'.

"I know you want to believe that, Thor," Coulson said in an effort to be sympathetic. "But if I recall, one of Loki's tactics last time was to pretend to surrender. What if this is part of a plan and he's just biding his time?"

Thor looked at Coulson as if he thought the man had lost his mind. "Have you taken in even one word I've said? The spell weakened him in body and mind. It drained him as if he were the battery of one of your communication devices. His power is all but gone. Dr. Strange estimates it may take as long as a year before he returns to what he once was. Loki could not pretend to this."

Skye was the first one to break the silence that followed his remarks with a muttered, "Jeez. You people don't mess around, do you?" She got no answer from Thor but the question was mostly rhetorical anyway. 

"Who did this to him?" May asked.

"That's not important," Coulson answered when Thor didn't, drawing confused looks from everyone except Thor and May. Melinda seemed pissed but Thor was relieved.

"The hell it isn't," she replied. "If whoever did this decides to come after him again we'll be in the crosshairs too. We need to be prepared."

Coulson turned to face her. "Trust me, it's not an issue."

The two of them engaged in a minor stare down but Skye was more distracted by the fact that Coulson was keeping things from them. He wasn't much of a fan of compartmentalizing the intel for the team before but that's what he just did. She knew it was only natural for things to change now that he was the director, but this was a development she wasn't a fan of.

Choosing not to address that particular elephant in the room, Coulson said, "We need to take advantage of the time while Loki is unconscious. Simmons, get back to work and give me as much information as you can. Thor, you stay here and subdue him if it becomes necessary. Triplett, move everything but the bed out of the Cage. We'll move Loki in there once Simmons is done."

"What about me?" Skye spoke up.

"Get online and make sure there's no chatter anywhere about our passengers from people who saw us in the street. If there is, do your best to give us a smokescreen. Spread misinformation if you have to."

"Got it."

"Coulson, a word?" May asked, though it didn't sound like she was giving him an option.

She and Coulson exited in silence and everybody else got to work in the same manner. Like maybe if they didn't talk about it, they could ignore how bizarre the whole situation was. It didn't really work.

~~~|~~~

They barely stepped a foot inside Coulson's office before May unloaded on him, reminding Coulson just a little too late of his earlier notion of wearing some kind protection when they spoke.

"I know you have a penchant for the unconventional but this is insane," May told him in no uncertain terms. "Those two have put a gigantic bull's-eye on us and you're keeping me in the dark about it. I'm starting to wonder if I decided too quickly that the procedure to bring you back wasn't having any adverse cognitive effects."

Her words struck him hard, an unwelcome reminder of when he learned the original reason she came on board his team was to spy on him and look out for those 'adverse cognitive effects'. "That's a low blow. There's nothing wrong with me."

"You're compromised. How could you not be with your murderer in the same room?"

"I'm not crazy and I'm not compromised," Coulson insisted.

"Then why-"

"May," he cut her off. "If you knew what I know, you'd be a lot more inclined to cut them some slack."

She crossed her arms and levelled him with a glare. "Then tell me what you know."

"I can't."

"Why?" she demanded.

"I promised Thor."

May's jaw dropped open in disbelief. "I think this situation is way beyond keeping promises."

"Then we disagree."

"Phil-"

"May, either you trust me or you don't, but enough of this waffling back and forth. If Thor told me anything that I thought would put the team or anyone else at risk, I would tell you. He didn't. Besides," he went on. "Given how short we are on friendly allies lately, having someone like Thor owe _us_ one for a change could be advantageous."

The mutinous look May had worn since they left the infirmary eased just a little at hearing that, which made Coulson realize she must have thought he was basing his decision solely on emotional reasoning, as if he thought keeping his promise out of a naive sense of loyalty to Thor was more important than everyone's safety. Now that he'd demonstrated considering the tactical advantage as well, she backed off a bit. 

"I think we should try and get in touch with Dr. Strange," he suggested. "He's about the only one who can confirm Thor's story."

Melinda shuddered. "Now him I definitely don't trust."

"I didn't know you were acquainted," he replied, his interest piqued by her unusual reaction.

"We're not," she said. "All we did was pass each other in the hall at a SHIELD outpost. I don't even know why he was there but the guy gave me the creeps."

"In what way?"

Visibly steeling herself against the memory, she said, "Like he could see right through me. Like there was nothing I could hide from him."

Because he didn't know whether to be amused or intrigued, it took Coulson a moment to get over the fact that anything could actually rattle her like that. Melinda May was the definition of unflappable.

"Be that as it may, the files I got from Fury indicated Strange was approached by some agents we now know were loyal to HYDRA and he refused to work for them. To me that counts for something."

"If he knew HYDRA was still out there, why didn't he warn us? Why wasn't he there to help when everything hit the fan?"

Coulson was taken aback by the venom in her voice. It was easy to forget that just because she seldom showed emotion didn't mean she was unfeeling. The betrayal of so many of their comrades in arms cut her just as deeply as the rest of them. 

"We have no idea what he knew or what he was doing when it happened."

"Whatever he was doing, the guy definitely plays by his own rules."

"So do we," Coulson pointed out.

May sighed and with a shake of her head, her expression softened a little more. "I do trust you, Phil. But don't expect me to like this."

'Relieved' didn't quite cover how Coulson felt. 'Immensely grateful to not be lying in the infirmary with several dozen broken bones' would be closer to the truth. He tried to cover it with a hint of a smile, and said, "Wouldn't dream of it."

~~~|~~~

Thor watched Simmons go about her work, trepidation sitting heavy on his chest. She explained everything she did but her words did little to calm his nerves. None of them knew if there was any chance their instruments might interact poorly with Loki's biology or power. His brother was so frail that just restraining him from his fit of terror had left bruises on his wrists, despite how gentle Thor tried to be. He wasn't accustomed to Loki being so vulnerable and it left him rather anxious, something else to which he was unaccustomed.

At Simmons' request he stepped back to allow her to connect something called a neural imager to Loki's head. Once it was operational the device projected something like one of Loki's illusions above it. Simmons studied the image and after a few moments, she gasped.

"That shouldn't be."

"What?"

"This..." she trailed off, pointing at the image.

Thor studied the projection as well but couldn't discern what Simmons meant and said so.

She rotated the image so Thor could see it from a different angle. "These coloured areas show various types of neural activity. The black areas indicate inactivity."

There were a lot of black areas Thor noted with dismay.

"Even when a person is asleep," Simmons went on, "the brain is still quite active. This is... well, I don't know what this is. There is no synaptic activity at all. It's as if portions of his brain are simply switched off."

"Like from a coma?" Triplett asked as he strolled back in having finished setting up what was to be Loki's new quarters. Simmons shook her head 

"No." She grasped the edges of the image and pulled her hands apart, expanding it. "Comas are usually the result of trauma of some kind. There's no physical damage whatsoever. Everything looks intact." She turned it over and over, examining the picture from every side as if the answer might become visible if only she looked in the right place.

"Is it permanent?" Thor asked, though he dreaded the answer.

Simmons released the image and looked at him. "I don't know, I'm sorry. I don't know what could cause this so I can't say if he'll recover."

Thor nodded. Dr. Strange had already told him as much but a part of Thor hoped this doctor might perhaps have seen something he missed. Thus far the answers he received regarding Loki's condition were less than satisfying.

"May I take him out of here now?" he asked, his voice betraying how eager he was to leave that room. In his opinion the healing rooms of mortals did little to promote peace of mind, which was something Loki would sorely need when next he woke.

"We're not quite done yet, I'm afraid."

She performed several more tests but Thor only half-listened as she told him what they were. All he could focus on were Loki's closed eyes. How he longed to to see them open and alight with mischief once more. Thor would prefer even the anger and hate he saw when they fought in the past over this. Anything would be better than the endless waiting with only a faint hope that one day Loki might return to himself.

~~~|~~~

"Where are we headed anyway?" Coulson asked as he and Melinda were going back down to the med bay. The question earned him a raised eyebrow from her.

"We've been in the air for an hour and you only thought to ask now?"

Coulson shrugged. "I've had a lot on my mind."

"Back to the Playground."

"You think that's wise?"

"Why wouldn't it be? It's secure, more so than the plane is, particularly since we still don't have a working cloak. It was a massive risk taking it out this way."

"Thor isn't going to like that," Coulson sighed. 

"I don't really care what he likes," May said. "And you shouldn't care as much either. Thor is way too close to be objective and Loki is far too great a risk to leave out in the open. The cells in the Playground can hold him until we figure out what's going on."

"I know," he conceded. "It's just... Thor seems far more devoted to Loki now than he was during the Battle of New York. If he takes exception to how we treat his brother now he could be a major problem."

She stopped walking and reached out for his arm so he would do the same. "Phil, all I'm talking about is containment. From what I gathered from SHIELD's files, even Thor doesn't understand how Loki's powers work. He could be wrong about them being gone and so could Dr. Strange, to say nothing of the fact that whatever was done to Loki left him mentally unbalanced. The Playground is the safest thing for everyone, Loki included."

"You're right," he agreed, not sure why he'd become so defensive about the suggestion in the first place. 

They were close enough to the infirmary by then to hear sounds of a heated discussion filtering out into the corridor. Coulson and May exchanged a look before going inside.

"I don't understand why this is necessary," Thor was saying. "I've already told you the reason for his condition. There is no need for this."

"I was ordered to gather as much information as I can. That includes routine tests like this," Simmons replied.

"Like what?" Coulson asked.

The two of them turned started speaking to him at the same time, both becoming equally unintelligible. Showing total disregard for his or anyone else's eardrums, Melinda stuck her thumb and forefinger between her lips and let out an eardrum shattering whistle.

"Thank you," he said once the ringing stopped. "But never do that again. Now one at a time, please. Simmons, what were you trying to do?"

She took a steadying breath before speaking. "All I want is to do some routine blood work. I thought there might be a biological component to his condition as well as a... magical... one."

Thor opened his mouth then but Coulson beat him to the punch. "I'm not sure that's a good idea." 

"May I ask why?" Simmons asked, sounding defensive.

"I terminated Project TAHITI for a reason. The implications of what the blood of someone like Loki could be used for are a can of worms I don't want to open again."

"I'm not collecting blood samples for experimentation, just simple analysis. You were the one who told me to get as much information as I could."

"I know, and I should have been more specific with the order," he said. Coulson looked back and forth between Thor, Loki, and Jemma. "Is obtaining a blood sample necessary to continue his care?"

She crossed her arms, looking a little put out. "I won't know until I get a chance to test it, will I?"

"Point taken." Coulson turned to Thor. "And your objection is?"

Thor glanced down at Loki, then back at Coulson with obvious conflict in his eyes. The pause went on for ages but Coulson knew how to wait out someone who didn't want to share information. When Thor did speak, it almost sounded like the words were being dragged out of him.

"Loki would be the first to tell you I don't understand much of the practice of seiðr. However there is one thing I do know, and that is a person's blood may be used in any number of rituals, most of which involve the darkest of magicks."

Coulson reflected for a moment on just how strange his life had become when what Thor told him didn't even register as odd. "None of us have any knowledge of that kind of thing."

"I know," Thor said. "But can you account for the rest of the world, or even the rest of what is left of SHIELD? Can you guarantee no one will ever wonder what discoveries may be possible if only they had access to his blood or knew of its properties?"

In the old days, Coulson wouldn't have hesitated to say 'Yes', at least as far as SHIELD was concerned. He truly believed many, if not  _most_  of his fellow agents were of the same mindset as him, that their foremost responsibility was to protect the world from threats that no one else could handle. Since having one ally after another reveal themselves to be traitors, he no longer had the luxury of that naiveté.

"No I can't." 

"Then you understand."

"I do."

"Sir-" Jemma began to protest.

"We're not doing it," Coulson cut her off. "If Loki's condition doesn't improve or deteriorates, I'll reassess. Until then, work with what you've got."

"Understood," she said grudgingly. "I suppose you can take him then."

Thor scooped Loki up into his arms and turned to May and Coulson. "The other quarters you spoke of?"

"This way," Melinda answered, though she was glaring as if Coulson had upset her again only this time he wasn't sure why. Maybe he should don some protective gear after all. At least until he figured out why he couldn't seem to stop pushing her buttons.

~~~|~~~

Though it was a relief to be out of the healing room, Thor couldn't say their current chamber was much of an improvement. Instead of the stark white walls of their previous accommodation, they were surrounded instead by dark walls with a geometric pattern. It created a bit of an oppressive atmosphere which was amplified by the utterly soundproof property the walls seemed to have. The room was eerily silent, muffling the sounds of the engines or any other activity outside.

"I don't know how I keep getting us into these situations," Thor said from the floor where he sat next to Loki's bed. "I miss your counsel, brother. I miss you telling me what a fool I am, if you can believe it. No one else has the breadth of your vocabulary when it comes to insults."

Strange though it was, speaking aloud lifted Thor's mood a little. It let him feel less alone in his predicament to act as though Loki could hear and understand him. 

"There is strange news from Asgard. Heimdall denies knowing our whereabouts and neither Sif nor the Warriors Three are admitting it either. What do you make of that?"

He expected no answer but Thor turned to look at Loki anyway. To his shock, Loki was awake.

Awake and staring at him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't contain anything that hasn't already been mentioned so I don't think it needs any warnings but if anyone thinks there should be, please let me know.

At first all either of them did was stare but the instant Thor moved an inch, Loki scrambled back and away from him. He pressed himself into the corner, his feet sliding across the bedding on the cot as he fruitlessly tried to put more distance between them.

"Loki, it's all right. It's all right," Thor said. He reached out to his brother but Loki only tried harder to burrow into the wall. "Loki..."

Nothing made a difference. Having discovered there was nowhere to go, Loki curled up in the corner with one arm wrapped about his legs and the other shielding his head. Thor was at a loss, for he wanted nothing more than to ease Loki's fear but each thing he did seemed only to add to it. Ignoring his instinct to go to Loki to comfort him, Thor backed away before calling out to him again.

"Loki, brother?"

A shudder rattled though Loki's shoulders.

"You are safe now. There is nothing to harm you here." Behind a curtain of black hair, Thor caught a glimpse of one green eye watching him. "You're safe, Loki. You're safe."

The trembling eased, progress at last. Thor repeated several more times his assurance that Loki was safe and slowly, ever so slowly, the arm up by his head came down. It joined his other arm protectively encircling his knees. His face remained concealed behind his hair but every so often Thor could see the glint of an eye behind it.

"Can you tell me how you fare?"

In contrast to his prior shaking, Loki now didn't move, didn't so much as twitch and Thor began to fear he'd stopped breathing. It was a few moments before he noticed the slight rise and fall of his brother's shoulders. He made no acknowledgement of Thor's question.

"It's all right if you can't or you don't wish to," Thor said. "I don't mind."

The words met with only silence and Thor was left groping for things to say. On the one hand, he was immeasurably grateful Loki was alive and safe once more. After losing him so many times the prospect of enduring it again was agony. On the other hand, Thor didn't quite know what to do with a Loki who was a shadow of his former self. In spite of all Dr. Strange told him, Thor hadn't fully understood the severe damage spell had done to Loki's mind until now. He thought back, trying to remember anything the sorcerer said that could be helpful.

_Confusion. He warned of confusion._

For a certainty Loki was confused, just as Strange predicted. Even now, awake and not in the middle of a nightmare, he still seemed to not recognize Thor. Confusion so extreme would be terrifying. Thor knew Loki needed help to fill in the gaps in his understanding but not how to go about it.

"I know you must find this all very perplexing," he said, "I do as well. But I assure you, there is nothing to fear. This is a safe place."

Loki lifted his head a little. For the most part his face was still obscured by hair but that mattered little to Thor when his brother was no longer cowering. Now if only Thor knew what was getting through.

"We can help you, Loki. They... I care for you very much. I will keep you safe until you are well once more."

The one eye Thor could see through a part in Loki's hair was fixed on him, unblinking. He had Loki's attention, at least. Whether that was a good sign or not, Thor couldn't guess.

"I'm sure you have many questions. Don't be afraid to ask them. I will do my best to give you answers."

The only response was Loki's continued staring and the silence unnerved Thor. All he wanted was to help Loki heal but if his brother gave him no answers, no input of any kind, he didn't know what to do. There was no way to know if Loki even understood anything he heard, much less if what Thor said was helping him or not. He needed something to guide him but his brother continued to give him nothing.

"I'm sorry, Loki. I don't know what to do. I wish I did, but I don't know where to start."

Again he received silence as an answer. Thor sighed and dropped his head into his hands and tried as best he could to ignore the feeling that all hope was lost. What a cruel trick of the Norns that would be, to come so close to regaining his brother only to be left with this empty shell wearing Loki's face to mock him. It surged through him again, that same sick helpless feeling of watching Loki let go of Gungnir and disappear, of watching him run through by the Kursed one. Loki was in the same room but the man Thor knew as his brother might never return. If only-

"Loki?"

Thor's heart skipped a beat. His head flew up from his hands. Loki had also lifted his head a bit more. Both eyes were visible now and they were focused on him. Forgetting himself, Thor scrambled forward.

"Did you speak? Oh please tell me you did."

Loki shrank back and curled more in on himself as though he feared he had done wrong. His hands tightened their grip on his legs until all colour drained from his fingers.

"I'm sorry, I-I don't mean to frighten you," Thor apologized, leaning back again. Endeavouring to keep the desperate eagerness which had so scared Loki out of his voice, he asked, "Please Loki, what did you say to me?"

Thor waited for an answer, heart in his mouth and offering silent pleas to the Norns for help. He begged the keepers of fate for something - _anything_ \- that would tell him all was not lost.

"...Loki," his brother said at last, voice so low it was little more than a whisper.

All Thor could do was stare as the implication sank in. Dr. Strange told him and Thor himself had spoken of the possibility but now it was more than words.

_You may not even remember who you are for a time._

The warning Dr. Strange gave 'Frigga' before removing the spell. What if Loki had indeed lost himself?

"Loki... Loki is your name," Thor told him, speaking slow and calm, hoping to set him at ease. " _You_ are Loki."

At first there was nothing. Loki's expression remained void of any understanding. After an interminable pause, at last there came a response. One of Loki's hands unclenched from its claw-like grip on his knee. With it, he pointed to himself.

"Loki?"

"Yes. You are Loki. Do you remember that?"

Rather than give an answer, his brother looked down at his hand, flexing his fingers and staring as if he wasn't sure what they were.

"Loki?" Thor called, attempting to recapture his attention. "That's your name. Do you remember?"

Yet again he was met with silence. After a few seconds Loki's gaze slid away from him and slowly travelled around the small room. In time his eyes came back to the cot on which he sat, whereupon he began picking at a loose thread on the thin bed cover near his feet. The spark of hope Thor felt on hearing Loki speak faded away again.

"I wish I knew how to reach you," Thor murmured after watching him a few minutes.

Though he made the remark more so to himself, Loki heard it. He didn't lift his head but his eyes came back to Thor with a startled look in them that made him wonder if he'd forgotten he wasn't alone.

"Yes, I'm still here," Thor sighed, disappointment and exhaustion a heavy weight on his shoulders. "I'll always be here. You're all I have left, you know. My only family and you don't even know me. I thought when I was exiled here without my power, without Mjolnir, without our friends, that I learned the meaning of loss. I was so very wrong, brother. Exile was but the edge of the cliff. I feel as though I've gone over it now and I know not if the fall will ever come to an end."

There was no more comprehension in Loki's eyes for that as for anything else Thor had said. He tilted his head back to lean against the wall and kept talking, for his own benefit if nothing else.

"I never imagined it would come to this. The day I led everyone to Jotunheim everything seemed so clear but if anyone had told me what my decision would lead to... I would never have believed it. I'm sure you never imagined it either. I understand why you wanted me off the throne but I'll never understand why you went to the lengths you did. I wish you had felt you could speak to someone then instead of resorting to such deception. But I suppose I am partly to blame for that as well. I made sure you knew whose opinion mattered most. We truly made a mess of things, didn't we?"

Thor cocked his head to one side to look at Loki and found him still as a stone. He shuffled closer to the bed and discovered Loki was once again asleep. Still upright, still curled into the corner, but fast asleep.

"Well, you always said I was dull," he said softly, the barest of smiles forming on his lips. He pulled himself up off the floor to put Loki properly to bed, unfurling his now lax limbs and laying him flat. Once his brother was settled Thor sat at the end of the cot to watch over him, promising always to do so no matter who he found when Loki woke again.

~~~|~~~

Coulson knew from the moment Melinda appeared in his office that he'd pissed her off again. For someone as good at dissembling as she was, it was remarkably easy to tell when she was mad. Especially if you were the target of her anger.

"What did I do now?" he asked without preamble.

"You gave away our chance to develop a weapon capable of defeating someone like Loki."

"When did I do that?"

May crossed her arms. "When you vetoed Simmons doing blood tests on him."

"That was to keep Thor happy," he told her.

"Bullshit," she snapped. "It's about you. You're letting your own experience blind you to what could be gained here."

"No I'm not," he replied, matching her tone. He liked that she was totally unafraid of telling him what she thought but in this instance, he not willing to argue the point. "In fact, I'm the only one here who's seen where that kind of thinking leads from the inside. I was in charge of the damn project, May. Do you remember that, because I do. I remember what the test subjects went through. I remember begging to die when that same procedure was used on me, and all because we were playing with things we didn't understand. It was damn near miraculous that Skye didn't go through the same thing or that she hasn't seen the same adverse effects I did and we still don't know why."

By the end of the tirade he was shouting, so he took a pause to catch his breath and cool down a little.

"We have next to no resources. We're weak and vulnerable. If HYDRA could get in once, who's to say they won't again? Who's to say it won't be someone worse next time? I'm sure there are important things we could learn from Loki's blood but I don't know who we can trust with those discoveries. I'm not sure we can keep them out of the wrong hands or if we can even keep the right people from using them the wrong way."

"There are risks with everything-"

"I know that. But in this case, the risks are too great to take the chance."

May was silent for a beat. She came to stand right in front of the desk and leaned her hands on it. "You can't make all your decisions from a place of fear, Phil. You're the director now, which means you have to get used to the idea that for better or worse, the buck stops with you. Sometimes you'll make the wrong decision and you'll have to face the consequences, as unpleasant as that may be, but you can't choose to do nothing in the hopes that you'll never have to find out what they are."

"I'm not doing nothing," he said. "And I'm sorry if you think I'm being overly cautious but this is not something I'm going to move on, not until SHIELD is in a much better place than we are now. I've made my decision and it's final."

"All right," she replied. Going by her tone, she still wasn't happy but May knew him well enough to know when there was no point arguing any longer. "ETA at the Playground is one hour. I'll be in the cockpit if you need me."

"Thank you."

After she left, Coulson propped his elbows on the desk and massaged his temples with his fingers, wondering why in the hell he ever wanted the job of director in the first place.

~~~|~~~

They touched down at the Playground almost exactly an hour later. Agent Koenig was waiting at the foot of the ramp as it opened up. He didn't look pleased. Coulson was hardly intimidated by him but he really wasn't looking forward to another lecture.

"Is there a problem, Koeing?" he called out, descending into the base.

"No, or more accurately, not yet," Koening replied. "I know this was an emergency but you really can't do this again. Without a cloak, the bus is too visible. You could be leading any of our enemies straight here and we're running low on back-up secret bases right now."

"Were we followed?"

"No, but a few radar stations did pick up your signal despite the jammer Mack worked up for you. I managed to convince them you were part of a military training exercise but that excuse won't work multiple times. Until the cloaking device is fixed, I'd strongly urge you to use alternative transport."

"Noted," Coulson acknowledged, hoping that would be the end of it. "Any other concerns while we were out?"

"Just the usual chatter from Talbot's people. Nothing that we need to worry about yet."

"Make sure it stays that way."

"Will do," Koenig said, returning to his usual chipper manner. "So where's our new prisoner?"

"Still asleep apparently. Thor didn't want to move him again until he wakes up. He's afraid if Loki keeps waking up in unfamiliar places it'll hamper his recovery."

"I see. Well the Vault is ready for them. I figured Thor might want to stick close to his brother so I moved a second bunk in there."

Coulson nodded. "Good thinking."

"Do we know how long they'll be staying?"

"Not yet, no. Thor still needs to answer a few questions and we need a way to make sure Loki isn't a threat."

"I believe I can answer that," an entirely new voice spoke from behind them.

It was only years of training and field experience that kept Coulson from jumping out of his skin. Koenig's reaction tipped more toward the flustered end of the scale but Coulson couldn't really blame him. In the life of an agent whose job it was to guard the most secret of secret bases, how often did people just appear inside unannounced and with no indication of how they got in? Turning around, Coulson examined the owner of the voice.

"You know, one of these days you're going to have to tell us how you keep getting past all the security measures at our bases. And how you know their locations at all." Turning to his right, he said, "Agent Koenig, I'd like you to meet Steven Strange."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a shorter chapter but it just reached a natural stopping place and I didn't want the next chapter to be even bigger than it is.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings needed, except maybe for intense brother feels.

Something was nudging Thor's arm. He huffed and tried to shuffle away from whatever was prodding him. He was just drifting off again when it began anew, this time with a more insistent poke. Thor swatted at the irritating thing disturbing his sleep, just brushing the edge of it with his fingers. The next time it returned was the last straw.

"What?" he grunted. Nothing happened. There was no answer and the prodding didn't return. Satisfied that he would no longer be bothered, Thor tried to go back to sleep. A moment later however, he realized what was happening. Eyes snapping open, he found his brother hovering over him. "Loki?"

Loki started and scuttled away from him.

"You're awake," Thor drawled, stifling a yawn with only moderate success.

With the last of the cobwebs clearing from his mind, he took stock of his brother. Loki was still keeping some distance between them but even so, he seemed less fearful. There was none of the cowering or defensive posture from before. His head was up, hair away from his face, and he held Thor's gaze without a waver.

"Are you well?" Thor asked. Not surprisingly Loki said nothing but Thor felt compelled to speak anyway. "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you. I meant to be at your side when you awoke, though I suppose I was, after a fashion."

Thor stood up from the cot and stretched his arms and back, rolling his shoulders to loosen up his muscles. Sleeping with half his body upright and the other half dangling off the end of the cot was an excellent recipe for a stiff neck.

"We've landed," he said. "Perhaps we can leave this room at last. Would you like that, Loki?"

Loki stared at him, brows drawn together above his eyes. Pointing to himself, he said, "Loki?"

Thor smiled, hoping the expression was an encouraging one. "Yes, you are Loki."

The puzzlement didn't leave Loki's features and Thor's heart sank a little. What he wouldn't give to have even the slightest notion of what was happening inside his brother's mind. Just as his mood was starting to darken again, Loki sat up straight.

"Loki," he said again, though this time didn't sound like a question. In fact, it was the most sure of anything he sounded since the spell on his mind was broken.

"Yes," Thor replied.

Loki opened his mouth but then closed it without saying anything. It happened twice more and each time Loki looked more and more frustrated with his own silence. Finally, he simply jabbed his hand out and pointed at Thor.

"Me?" Thor asked, gesturing at himself. Loki pointed again. "What about me?"

All Loki did was point a third time, his features pinched with frustration.

"I'm sorry. I don't understand, Loki."

The pointing became downright frantic and Thor at last put it together. Loki's agitation peaked when Thor spoke his name and he realized he had made a rather obvious oversight.

"Of course," he said, shaking his head. Mimicking Loki, he pointed at his brother. "You are Loki," he paused to point to himself, "and I am Thor."

He repeated his name over and over, one hand pointing at his chest each time. Quiet suddenly, Loki's features relaxed. He had a look in his eyes that Thor remembered well. It was the look he got when he solved a problem.

"Th-Tho-r," Loki pronounced with some difficulty.

Thor's grin was so wide it almost pained him. "Yes, that's it!"

"Th-or," he tried a second time. The word came a little quicker but after it his expression turned unsure again. He pointed once more. "Thor?"

"Yes, I'm Thor. You're Loki, and I'm Thor," he assured his brother, making sure to gesture either to himself or to him as he said their respective names.

Something almost like a smile flitted across Loki's lips but it was gone as quickly as it came. The uncertain expression returned and he seemed to not know what to do next.

"Would you like to leave here?" Thor asked. "I've been told they have a larger room for you."

Loki cocked his head to one side. He appeared confused but despite that, he was far more alert than his previous wakeful period. At least now he seemed as if he was trying to understand his surroundings rather than becoming distracted by his own fingernails.

Thor went to the chamber's door. "We can leave here if you wish."

His intention was to open the door to demonstrate to Loki what he meant but the handle wouldn't budge. Without thinking, he pounded on it to get someone's attention. When he turned around, Loki flinched under his gaze and Thor belatedly realized what his actions would look like to someone who knew nothing about him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you again. I would never hurt you."

Before he could wonder if Loki understood the apology, there came the sound of the door unlocking. It swung inward, revealing Melinda May.

"Everyone awake now?" she asked, stepping in to look around. Loki huddled into the corner on seeing her.

"Yes," Thor answered. He couldn't help but move to stand between her and Loki. She wasn't outwardly hostile but there was something in her manner that made him distrustful. "Agent Coulson said there would be quarters for us here."

"Follow me," May said. "And make sure you keep him in check."

After a bit of coaxing, Loki climbed off the cot. They only made it a few steps outside the door when he kept shifting ever closer to Thor while they walked, perhaps because May kept casting stern glances over her shoulder at them. The three of them reached the exit of the plane and when Loki saw the hangar and the people and equipment populating it, he groped blindly for Thor's hand, keeping so close he was almost pressing into Thor's side. His brother did not remember him, yet trusted in his protection. Never in his life had Thor felt so overjoyed and yet so close to weeping all at once.

~~~|~~~

"So you believe his condition is genuine?" Coulson asked the sorcerer after being given a rundown of just what he had been doing with Thor and Loki back in London. Koenig had been dismissed after the introduction so Coulson could keep the matter private and stay true to his promise to Thor.

"I know it is," Strange replied. "I've seen for myself the damage the spell did. Loki is lucky to be alive."

"That's one way of looking at it," he muttered under his breath. Louder, he added, "And there's no way he could have faked this or done it to himself as part of some kind of escape attempt?"

Strange regarded him with an amused and slightly incredulous expression. "If there were any deception in his condition, I would know it."

"How?"

"That, I'm afraid, is a trade secret. However you can take my word for it."

"No offence doc, but given recent events I'm not particularly inclined to take anyone at their word at the moment."

"Ah," Strange replied. "You are referring to the breakdown of SHIELD, I presume."

"Yes I am," Coulson said. He couldn't stop the frustration of it all bleeding into his voice. "Which begs the question, since you're so good at detecting deception, why didn't you warn us SHIELD was full of traitors? I know for a fact you were approached by at least one agent who was loyal to HYDRA."

His expression sobering, Strange let out a quiet sigh. "I have my reasons, many of which I doubt would be satisfactory to you. All I can say is sometimes it's not my place to interfere with the natural progression of events."

"Natural progression?" Coulson was on the verge of losing it completely. "What's 'natural' about dozens of agents dying in a war that you could have helped us prevent?"

"What makes you so sure revealing HYDRA before HYDRA revealed itself would have resulted in less casualties, not more?"

The question, despite being innocuously stated stunned Coulson into silence. He'd never considered before but as he thought now, the hypothetical outcome Strange put forth wasn't impossible. Had SHIELD tried to sort itself out rather than having things explode the way they had, the conflict could have dragged on for months, maybe even years, with god knows how many other threats falling off their radar while it did. What if they hadn't been organized enough to respond to the Chitauri invasion? What if the Avengers Initiative had never happened because the organization was too caught up in internal problems?

Coulson closed his eyes and took a deep breath to clear his head. Speculation like that was pointless and unproductive. "All right, let's get back to the matter at hand. Loki."

With a nod of agreement, Strange said, "As I have explained, his weakness is genuine. His powers are all but lost to him and won't return for a long time."

"What about his..." Coulson trailed off, making a vague gesture toward his head. "He seems even less sane than he did last time."

"That too is a product of the spell," Strange explained. "He was forced to live a life and inhabit a persona not his own. Without that force controlling his mind, it unravelled. Imagine someone who has had every part of their life controlled, from where and when they sleep and eat, to how they dress, to what they speak, even what they think. Now imagine the person suddenly removed from that control and dropped in the middle of Times Square without assistance of any kind. If they managed not to break down completely, it would take some time to find their bearings even without the added burden of physical weakness, don't you think?"

"I guess it would."

"Dr. Strange!" Thor's voice bellowed from across the hangar.

The sorcerer turned around and Coulson followed his gaze to see Melinda escorting Thor and Loki toward them. Seeing Loki up and around made his heart skip a few beats before starting up again with a furious and painful thudding in his chest. The only thing that kept him from progressing to flat out panic was the sight of Loki staggering a bit trying to keep up with Thor's gait because it made the two of them look a bit like a kid trying to hang on to an enormous and very excitable golden retriever. Still, Coulson would be lying if he said he wasn't glad to have May standing between Loki and him.

"Hello, Thor," Strange greeted him. "I'm sorry for my abrupt departure but there was an emergency that required my attention. Fortunately the matter was quicker to resolve than I thought. I admit, I had expected to find you at Dr. Foster's. It was my understanding you didn't wish SHIELD to know anything about this."

"I didn't," Thor agreed. "They came to inform me of some developments on Asgard and discovered Loki by accident. I was persuaded it would be unwise to remain at Jane's residence."

"I see." Looking past Thor to Loki, Strange said, "And I see our patient is awake."

Loki hunched his shoulders and did his best to disappear behind Thor like a shy child hiding behind a parent. Coulson's heart slowed down a bit more.

"He is," Thor replied with a glance over his shoulder. "Though you were right about his mental state. He struggles even to speak and one of Coulson's people found something else troubling. She said parts of Loki's brain are entirely dormant. Not damaged, but inactive all the same. What do you make of that?"

Strange thought for a moment, one hand absently stroking his chin. "I'm not sure. It's possible his body is still too weak to be running at full capacity, though I'd think it more likely he'd remain unconscious if that were the case. Perhaps it's a quirk of his biology that we didn't account for. If you like I could take a look myself and see what I can find out."

Thor was about to say something when Loki tugged on his hand. He turned and Loki pointed back toward the plane. His eyes were as big as dinner plates, Coulson noted. Now that he could bear to look, he could read just how fearful Loki was out in the hangar with so many strangers and unfamiliar things. The emotion was so at odds with what he remembered from the Loki on the helicarrier that Coulson couldn't reconcile the two. It was almost easier to think of them as two separate people.

"I would very much appreciate your services but perhaps now is not the time," Thor said at last. "I think the unfamiliar surroundings are scaring him. I should like to get him settled first."

That last was said with a nod to May who excused herself and the two Asgardians and led them down to the Vault. Thor had to drag Loki the first few steps, presumably because the Vault was in the opposite direction from the bus, the only place Loki knew. Only after Thor paused to whisper something to Loki did he follow willingly.

"You have a history with him, don't you," Strange asked with a pointed look at Coulson.

"A lot of people here do."

Strange eyed him with a penetrating stare. "But yours is more personal, I think."

"You could say that. He killed me," he answered, mostly just for the shock value. To his disappointment, the sorcerer remained unperturbed. Unperturbed was supposed to be Coulson's shtick.

"Yet you offer him aid now. That's commendable."

"I'm keeping a potential threat contained and an ally happy. That's all this is."

Strange gave him a knowing smile that made Coulson feel like the man was reading thoughts he wasn't aware he was having himself. "If that's what you need to tell yourself. Now, I wonder if you'd be so kind as to direct me somewhere I might rest for a while."

Coulson pointed him toward the common area and watched him walking away with those last words still ringing in his head. What the hell did he mean by _If that's what you need to tell yourself_? As he made his way up to his own office, he decided he very much agreed with May. Strange was definitely unsettling when he wanted to be.

~~~|~~~

Thor went with Loki into the cell. He had little choice in the matter, as Loki had not relinquished the vice grip on his fingers. As frail as he appeared there was still some strength in his body. He watched Loki eye their surroundings with a wary gaze.

"Once the barrier goes up, you really don't want to touch it," May explained from outside the cell. "The Inertial Confinement Laser has never been tested on Asgardians but even with your durability, it'll probably still give you a nasty burn."

"I'll bear that in mind," he said, keeping a watchful eye on Loki who he was confident hadn't understood the warning.

"And take this." She tossed a small black object at him which he caught. "That's a radio. We usually have someone watching the cells at all times but we're a little understaffed these days so I can't guarantee it. You can use that to call us if you need anything. Press the red button to talk."

"Understood."

"Anything else you need before I go?"

Nothing came to mind so he shook his head. May pulled out a tablet computer and tapped on it. A gold flash came out from the walls and floor at the edge of the cell, forming a grid in the air between them and Agent May. Terrified of this strange new sight, Loki leapt back even though he was more than a safe distance away, letting go of Thor's hand to dive under the bed. After the light cleared and May was satisfied with the barrier's integrity she left without saying another word, which left Thor nothing to do but try and coax Loki out of hiding. He sat down on the floor a few feet from the bed with his back to the wall, placing himself between Loki and the now invisible barrier.

"Loki, it's all right. You can come out now." He ducked down to see his brother shaking his head. "I swear to you, it's safe."

Loki looked at him, a desperately unsure look on his face as if he wanted to comply but was still afraid of doing so.

"All right, you may stay there if that is your wish."

Thor spent the time waiting for Loki to emerge scanning this new cell. It was larger and brighter than the one on the airplane. Because of it's design of three solid walls and one made by an energy barrier, he couldn't help but draw parallels to Asgard's dungeon and it made him wonder what living there was like for his brother. Their mother had seen to it Loki had certain amenities not afforded to other prisoners but however gilded it may be, a cage is still a cage. A prince confined in the same prison as the dregs of the nine realms. He wondered what the mortals would think if they knew the nature of Loki's sentence from Odin. Some for sure would claim simple imprisonment was too lenient. None of them were capable of comprehending a near-immortal lifespan, however. Loki's punishment, were it to go on unchanged, would have lasted for possibly four thousand years. Even the most long-lived mortal could not comprehend an incarceration of that length. The humans had a word, Thor knew, for what happened to people imprisoned so long they no longer knew how to function outside of the confines of their jail, but he couldn't remember it at present. He remembered thinking once that Loki was fortunate not to face an execution on their return but now he was reconsidering that opinion. Thor had spent only a short while confined with Loki throughout that day and already the inactivity made him ache for freedom. What would he feel after a year? After ten? A hundred?

Perhaps those same questions drove Loki to escape. Thor had thought Loki lying to him about their father's death was the grossest of untruths, but lying about his own death went far beyond even that offence. Loki lay there in his arms while Thor cried over his supposed corpse. Had Loki enjoyed his trick? Did he relish in the tears shed over him? It was possible, likely even, that the answer was yes. Though much of the mess Loki eventually found himself in was of his own making, Thor was growing to understand the role he unwittingly played in pushing his brother away. He was at least in part deserving of the blame his brother laid on him for the events that culminated in his imprisonment. Right or wrong, how surprising was it to think Loki might indulge in a little payback? Loki knew even if their fight against Malekith was a success his only thanks would be a return to that dungeon and its endless tedium. Was it really so much of a surprise that he would take the chance to escape, especially if it meant getting a little revenge on the one he believed responsible for his captivity?

Looking at the matter that way, Thor could not but feel grateful that Loki stayed with them as long as he had. Loki supported a plan he fully expected to fail and in the process saved their lives. The chance to kill the Kursed one who took their mother's life was one thing, but Loki also saved Jane. His twisted thought processes could have easily decided she was at fault for awakening the Aether and setting off events which led to so much heartache. Could have, but didn't. Despite his disdain for mortals, Loki protected her. The only reason he would have done so would be because of her importance to Thor. Somewhere under all Loki's anger and hatred, underneath the bile and venom he spewed at them all, was love.

The memory of the way Loki reached out for him in his fright when they entered the hangar came back to Thor then. As unsure of everything and everyone as Loki was, he still sought out Thor's protection. Though it galled him that his proud brother was afraid enough to seek out such help, Thor couldn't help but feel glad a part of Loki still trusted in him.

Somewhere during his silent musings, Loki inched partway out from under the bed. He was watching Thor with the same look he had back on the plane, as if he was a puzzle to be solved.

"There you are," Thor said with a smile. "What do you think of our new quarters? I find them a bit sparse for my taste."

Loki cast his eyes around before they came to settle on Thor again. They regarded each other for a few moments after which Loki shuffled back under the bed, the sight reminding Thor of their childhood. Loki always knew the best hiding places when they played, and it wasn't just that he could squeeze himself into impossibly small spaces, though he was capable of that as well. No, it was that he had an uncanny talent for knowing where the person doing the finding would be least likely to look. He would situate himself in plain sight and still not be found because he was in the one place no one would search for him. So often did Loki win those games that their friends began demanding they play something else instead.

There were times that talent was not so helpful though. Loki would also hide away if he was scared or hurt. On one occasion he fell out of a tree in their mother's garden and broke his arm. The boys had been told more times than Thor could count not to climb those trees and fearing the punishment he would receive for disobeying more than the pain of the fracture, Loki hid. It was hours before he was found and for Thor, it was the first time he knew true terror.

The two of them were supposed to have a session with one of their tutors but Loki was late. Loki was never late. Thor went looking for him, starting with his chamber. When his brother didn't answer his calls from outside the door, Thor went in to see if perhaps he'd fallen asleep. There was no obvious sign of his presence but something about Loki's absence just felt off to him. The heightened awareness given him by that uneasy feeling was the reason he noticed the door to the wardrobe was partly open. Thor went to it and pulled it open the rest of the way to find his brother huddled in the corner, white as a sheet, soaked with sweat, and shaking. And Thor screamed. To his young eyes, Loki was dying. What happened after was mostly a blur in his memories as the room was swarmed by adults coming to investigate the commotion. His next clear memory was of sitting beside Loki's sickbed in the healing room while their parents spoke in hushed voices with Eir. Loki's bones had been set and were on their way to mending but Thor could not relax until the deathly pallor left his face.

As time went on Loki's predilection for hiding progressed and became an internal trait. Instead of hiding himself, he hid his thoughts and feelings. He grew to do it so well that no one suspected the darkness that lay behind his clever green eyes alight with mischief, or how his heart was slowly breaking to pieces beneath a haughty exterior. That is, until the pretense was torn away by the failure of his plans to prove himself worthy, a truth far too late revealed to be of use.

Looking at Loki now, Thor couldn't help but see his little brother playing hide-and-seek again. On a whim, he reached over and tugged the bed cover over the edge until it almost touched the floor, giving Loki something else to hide behind. His brother froze at first but once he realized what Thor was doing he smiled and took to peering out around the edges to see if he was still watching. Thor caught himself wondering if it might be better if Loki never did regain his memory. It wouldn't be, he knew that, but this Loki was still innocent, still reachable, and the chance to forge their relationship anew held an undeniable appeal. Even though it made Thor feel guilty and selfish to wish for, the thought lingered anyway.

Loki never did emerge from under the bed, not even when he grew tired enough to fall asleep. Loath to disturb him, Thor took the pillow from the bed and gently placed it underneath his brother's head. Once he was satisfied Loki was as comfortable as one could be sleeping on the floor, he got up and started to pace. He was about to call someone with the radio when the entry door opened and Skye came down the stairs.

"Coulson wants to talk to you."

Thor strode over to the bed and lifted one corner of the blanket to see if Loki was still sleeping. He was. "Can we not speak here?"

Skye shrugged. "He says he needs you upstairs."

"I don't know," Thor said. He hated the idea of leaving Loki alone without any warning.

"Thor, I know he wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. You really need to go." When he still hesitated, she offered, "Look, if it makes you feel better, I'll stay here and watch him. I'll call you when he wakes up."

With great reluctance, Thor came forward and Skye tapped a few buttons on her tablet to lower the energy field. The instant he stepped beyond it the barrier came back up and he waited to see if any of the activity woke Loki. When all he heard was restful breathing, Thor turned to Skye.

"You will call me immediately if he wakes?"

"Absolutely," she promised.

Skye settled herself in a chair and after casting one more look toward Loki's hiding place, Thor climbed the stairs out of the vault whereupon he was met by Agent Koenig.

"Ah, I was just coming to find you," he said. "The director is waiting in his office. If you'll follow me."

Thor let the mortal escort him even though the location of Coulson's office was fairly self-evident. There was only one set of stairs that led up from the barracks where most of the personnel did their work. The man himself was seated behind a desk in a large room, the only room that seemed to have any windows, Thor noted.

"Have a seat," Coulson said as he entered, pointing to several empty chairs.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd prefer to stand." After being confined at Jane's, on the plane, and in the base itself, Thor was weary of staying still.

"Suit yourself. The reason I called you in here is because we never got to finish our conversation on the Bus."

"Regarding Asgard?" Thor asked.

"Yes. Although, something else has been bugging me too. Why didn't you go to the Avengers for help? I'd think a little thing like saving New York from a Chitauri army would have really bonded you all together."

Thor sighed and began to walk a gradual circle around the room. "I am close with them. Loki, far less so. I could not be certain what reception they would give him or if they would understand why I brought him to the very world where he did such harm. None of you truly understand..." he trailed off.

Coulson sat forward in his chair, resting his clasped hands on the desk. "Understand what?

"Loki was born over a thousand of your years ago. Compared with the length of his life, the time he and I have spent as adversaries is almost nothing. I know his deeds on this realm were terrible, but I cannot pretend the rest of our lives didn't happen. He is my brother, he needed help, and that help was my sole concern. I couldn't risk wasting time convincing you or the Avengers to aid me." 

By then Thor was so used to Loki not answering him, he hardly registered the lengthy pause before Coulson spoke.

"I won't lie and say that we do understand because we both know that's not true. I think you may have underestimated your teammates, though. They know a thing or two about losing their way."

"Perhaps," was all Thor was willing to concede. He was still too apprehensive of their reaction to entertain the idea and anyway, it hardly mattered. The spell was gone, all that was needed was time for Loki to recover and the Avengers' aid was not required for that.

Apparently deciding to drop the subject, Coulson said, "Maybe we should get back to the original point. What kind of fallout is there going to be from Asgard?"

"I am hardly an expert in Asgard's law but I'm not certain anything like this has ever happened in the past. I can't recall a time in our history where one member of the royal family murdered the king in order to claim the throne."

Coulson considered that. "Even if there were, the circumstances aren't quite what you described. You killed him in order to free your brother, not so that you could move up your ascension date. You said yourself the king was deranged. Is there a provision that allows for him to be removed if that's the case?"

"Possibly, though I don't know of any. I would imagine if there is such an allowance made, it would not be carried out the way I did it."

"Is that why you think they'll put you on trial?"

"Yes."

Coulson raised an eyebrow at the terse reply but Thor wasn't inclined to elaborate. He still couldn't understand why this conversation couldn't be had in Loki's cell. The longer he spent away from Loki the worse his fear became that something would happen in his absence. It was distracting enough that he couldn't ponder the legal ramifications of Odin's violent demise.

When Thor added nothing to his statement, Coulson said, "I guess what I'm trying to get at is this: Is there a chance that one day soon Asgard is going to send an armed search party to find and escort you back home? We know that's kind of their M.O. since they already sent Sif here to apprehend Lorelei without so much as a heads up."

"Yes, there's a chance."

"And what do you plan to do if that happens?" Coulson asked.

It wasn't a subject Thor wished to dwell on. If anyone came for him while Loki remained in such a vulnerable state, Thor couldn't conceive of agreeing to leave him. Worse still, they might insist on Loki's return to Asgard as well and that Thor would not abide. As difficult as it may be, he would strike down his very shield-brothers if it came to it. The thought of more innocent blood being shed as a result of Odin's insanity so sickened Thor he strove not to think on it.

"I'll decide when it comes to pass."

Coulson closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. "That's not an answer, Thor. There is no official alliance between our people, no ground rules for anything. The concept of intergalactic law hasn't been invented here yet, not to mention that the last thing Earth needs is to have an Asgardian civil war spilling over onto our planet. We-"

He was cut off by the wail of an alarm.

"Oh no." Coulson stood up.

"What is it?" Thor asked, troubled by the sudden anxiety on the man's face.

"The Vault."

_Loki_


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNINGS are in the end notes because of spoilers**

One by one Skye flicked through the screens on her tablet, wishing she'd had the forethought to bring her own down to the vault with her instead of just one of the SHIELD ones. Then again, she wasn't expecting to play baby-sitter to a sleeping half-mad alien with abandonment issues when Coulson asked her to retrieve Thor for him. Though she wasn't sure if Loki was the one with the issue or if it was Thor. The Avenger had already busted the door to Coulson's office on the bus and nearly tore a strip off Simmons, the most harmless person on the planet, all because he thought someone was messing with his brother. At this point she was wondering if Thor shouldn't be renamed 'God of Overzealous Familial Devotion'.

Apart from the boredom, there was another reason Skye was wishing for distraction. If she had something productive to do then she wouldn't have to think about the person in the cell next to this one. She'd done her best to ignore the Grant Ward shaped crater in the team but it wasn't easy, especially with Fitz still recovering. Just thinking about the arduous road ahead of her teammate made her want to scream, and knowing Ward was responsible made it so much worse. At least with him locked up she could pretend it was out of sight, out of mind. That is until she went and volunteered to hang around down here. Why did she think that was a good idea again?

Twenty minutes in and Skye finally had the bright idea to radio someone to bring her phone or laptop or something to do. With one hand halfway to her earpiece, she froze. There was a noise coming from the cell. Loki was talking in his sleep. Well, maybe not quite talking but making sounds that vaguely resembled words. She leaned forward in her chair wondering what kinds of secrets might spill out of Loki's unguarded mouth in his sleep. If nothing else, it should be entertaining.

Three minutes later Skye couldn't believe how wrong she was, because that was all the time it took for things to go straight to hell.

See, she forgot what Thor said about Loki's night terrors. One minute Loki was still out of it, still squeezed into his make-do blanket fort under the bed with one foot adorably sticking out from under the sheets and babbling in his sleep. The next he was screaming again. The screaming by itself might not have been so bad but just like on the Bus, Loki didn't stay still during the episode. He flailed under the bed, hitting its underside, the wall, the floor. To Loki's panicked mind it all must have felt like a trap because the next thing she knew he was clawing his way out from behind the blanket and scrambling for a way out like his life depended on it.

For reasons unknown even to her, Skye froze watching it all. It was a few seconds too long before her brain got in gear and told her to get help. By the time she slapped the panic alarm on the tablet, Loki had gotten clear of the bed and was trying to make a run for it - by running straight at the laser barrier.

He slammed into it full bore and with the force of the impact Skye thought Loki would be knocked out cold but apparently she underestimated the strength of his fight-or-flight response. Loki had so much adrenaline coursing through him, or whatever equivalent chemical his not-human body made, that he didn't even register the pain of the laser scalding his flesh. He didn't feel his skin blistering when he pounded the barrier with his fists or notice the smell of his own charred flesh. His wide eyes didn't see the blood stains he smeared on the other walls as he slammed into them in his frantic search for another way out of his nightmare.

Skye looked on in horror, too freaked out to do much more than stare as the scene unfolded in what felt like slow motion, with hours passing before any reinforcements arrived. May was the first one down the stairs, followed by Dr. Strange.

"What happened?" May yelled over the noise.

"I-I-I don't know," Skye stammered. "He was asleep and then-"

"Loki!" Thor shouted as he descended. Enraged eyes glared at May. "Drop the shield."

"I don't think that's wise-"

"And I don't care what you think," Thor cut May off. Removing the hammer from his belt, he said,"Lower the shield now or I will take care of it myself."

"I can help calm him," Strange put in. "If Thor holds him still I'll only need a moment to put him in a trance."

May looked back and forth between them weighing the risk of possibly letting Loki out and what damage Thor might do if he didn't get his way. Making up her mind, she looked at Skye. "Get out of here."

She didn't need to be told twice. Skye ran up and out of the vault on shaky legs and keyed the door closed behind her. Closing her eyes, she put her hands on her knees and sucked in a deep breath. By the time she exhaled, Coulson was there.

"Report," was all he said.

"Loki," she replied, standing up straight again. "He had another fit."

"Thor in there?"

Skye nodded, pressing one hand over her heart as if that would somehow stop the pounding. "Yeah. Along with May and that Strange person."

The muted thuds and screams filtering through the reinforced walls faded away in the next second. The two of them leaned closer to the door listening for any signs of trouble. Coulson tapped his earpiece.

"May, what's the situation?"

"All clear," came the tense reply. "Loki needs medical attention."

Coulson looked at Skye. "Go call Simmons."

She went, glad for the excuse to put some distance between herself and the Vault. She didn't need any more awful memories connected with that place than she already had.

~~~|~~~

Standing over his brother's sickbed Thor began to wonder if this was now to be his lot in life. Every time he turned his back some new catastrophe befell Loki. In the midst of his terror, Loki sustained severe burns on his hands, forearms, and chest from pounding on the energy shield of his cell. As if the injuries themselves were not enough, Loki was healing no faster than would a mortal, leaving them with no choice but to treat him as one. Both hands, arms, and a good part of his chest were clothed in white bandages, his tunic having been cut away to deal with the burns.

Thor had no choice but to sit and watch while Jemma Simmons treated the wounds, cleaning and removing dead tissue, his own inexperience with such things leaving him with little else to do. He listened, almost numb, while she explained the extent of Loki's injuries, how long they would take to heal, and what care they would need until then, all the while feeling the same as he had during his exile - powerless. His only brother and Thor wasn't able to protect him from his own dreams. What if Loki was doomed to be this way forever, always needing someone on hand to keep him out if harm's way as would a small child? Thor cursed himself for his previous thought that perhaps things were better that way. Nothing was better with Loki so diminished, least of all Loki himself.

Dr. Strange entered the medical room the same time Simmons left. "How are you?"

"I am not the one you should be concerned about, doctor."

"I'm not so sure," he said. "I used to work in a hospital, and I've seen that look on your face before. I know what caregiver burnout looks like."

"My needs matter not, not while Loki has such desperate need of care," Thor told him.

"That's what they all say but trust me, you'll be of no use to him if you worry yourself to death."

"My people do not suffer such an affliction."

Strange sighed. "It was a figure of speech, Thor, which I think you know. Look all I'm trying to say is don't expend so much energy on him that you drive yourself to exhaustion. When people get tired they make mistakes and that won't benefit either of you."

"I've already made mistakes," Thor growled. He got to his feet, closing the distance between them until their faces were inches apart. "Look at him. Look at what happens each time I turn my back. My carelessness did this!"

"No it didn't," Strange said with a calm conviction. "You aren't any more responsible for this than you were Odin's madness. I know how hard it is to watch someone you love suffer but blaming yourself accomplishes nothing and it's not what Loki needs from you."

Thor scoffed and turned away. He leaned his hands against the counter, still facing away from the man. "I'm beginning to wonder if I am what he needs at all. Things have hardly improved for him under my watch."

Strange came to stand beside him. "That's not true. He would be dead or very near to it if not for you. You got him away from Odin and somewhere he could be helped. That's not nothing."

"And this?" Thor twisted around and pointed to the white bandages wrapping Loki's arms and fingers.

"The night terrors aren't your fault either. They're a byproduct of the spell. He would be having them no matter who was watching over him."

"But I let it happen. I knew it was unwise to leave him, yet I did."

For the first time since meeting him, Strange raised his voice. "Thor, enough. This can't go on. You've said yourself all you want is to help your brother, which is a selfless desire, but you're so determined to make everything your fault that I'm forced to wonder if it's not a sign of arrogance."

Thor reeled back as if he'd been struck. "Arrogance-"

"Yes. It's arrogant to believe you have the power to fix or control everything. No one in the universe can make that claim, but you seem convinced you should. You think you should have been there to protect your brother, even though you thought him dead. You think you should have foreseen Odin's madness even though he gave no sign of it. You think you should have predicted Loki's breakdowns despite there being no way to know how his mind was affected. Do you honestly believe you're responsible for every terrible thing that's happened to Loki?"

Thor said nothing to argue the point and Strange gave him a look of disbelief, mixed perhaps with something that looked like pity.

"Oh you do, don't you? Dear god, it's not arrogance. It's guilt," he sighed. After taking another deep breath to calm himself, Strange went on. "It's a hard truth for anyone with power like yours, Thor, but the fact of the matter is you don't have the power to save everyone or stop every terrible thing from happening. That inability is not a failure on your part, it's just reality. Whatever happened between you and your brother or between the two of you and your father is beside the point because all of you could have done everything right and Loki may still have ended up choosing villainy. There are so many things that contribute to who we become as people, but in the end we are each responsible for our actions, and our actions alone."

By the time Strange finished, Thor almost gave way to weeping. Not because the words were harsh by any means, but because they were so like ones he might have heard his father or mother speak. They were also true. He blamed himself for not realizing something was wrong with his father. He blamed himself for the months Loki spent trapped in their mother's shape. His had so thoroughly convinced himself everything was his fault that even rescuing his brother did nothing to assuage the guilt. He even came near to losing his temper with Jane when she admitted going behind his back to seek help from Tony Stark, even knowing full well he was not likely find a solution on his own. Where had that conviction come from, he wondered, that he must take care of Loki entirely on his own? That everything, including what had been done to Loki in his absence, was his sole responsibility? It was foolish and, yes, a bit arrogant to believe such a thing.

"I will try to bear that in mind," Thor said at length.

"Please do," Strange replied, his expression and voice softening even more. "Now I didn't in fact come here to lecture you. Apart from seeing how you are, the reason I came was to ask if you still wanted me to see if I could find the reason for Loki's neural anomalies. I think it would be best to do it before I bring him out of the trance again."

Thor nodded, feeling a swell of gratitude for the offer. "I would welcome any assistance. Do you think you could find the source of his dreams as well?"

"It's worth a try," he said after thinking it over. "Though even if I find the cause there's no guarantee I'll be able to do anything for him. Not everything has a magical cure."

"I know, but the more I understand of what ails him, the better I can help him through it."

Thor stepped aside to allow Strange to take up position by Loki's head. While the sorcerer prepared himself, Thor stood beside his brother's bed. Both of Loki's hands were swathed in white bandages and Thor feared making the damage worse, so instead of taking Loki's hand in his own, he simply rested his own on top. Then all he could do was wait.

~~~|~~~

Coulson read through Simmons' summary of Loki's new injuries with a conflicting mix of emotions. Two hours had passed since Loki's meltdown in the Vault and while he was relieved it wasn't an escape attempt, the incident still left him unsettled. He still hated everything Loki did before, not the least of which being his own death, but seeing him through Thor's eyes was adding some shades of colour to what was once a very black and white picture. A person who could merit the kind of devotion Thor demonstrated toward him had to be more than the cackling madman Loki was during his invasion. Even now Coulson couldn't decide what was worse, seeing the carnage Loki inflicted on himself, or the complete devastation on Thor's face when he saw it.

A knock at the door provided him with a welcome excuse to set aside the report. "Come in."

Melinda walked in with a tablet in one hand. "I've been thinking."

"About?"

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Loki," he guessed at the obvious answer.

"I'm starting to think the Vault isn't the best option."

"Well this was never meant to be a permanent solution but containment is still an issue. We can't just let him run loose while he's in such a volatile mental state."

"I know," she agreed. "It's just that I'm not sure a cell is what he needs either."

Coulson leaned back in his chair, folding his hands in his lap and furrowing his eyebrows. "You were the one arguing the strongest for keeping him locked up."

"I'm not saying we just let him go and I'm sure as hell not forgetting he's a criminal." She paused, glancing toward the window. Still looking away, she said, "But I know what PTSD looks like, what it does to people. Loki has it, and sticking him in a prison cell won't solve anything."

Despite the seriousness of the matter, he couldn't help but be a little amused at her change of heart. "Melinda May arguing for clemency? I never thought I'd live to see the day."

May cracked a half-smile which quickly became a smirk. "Hardly. Look, both Thor and Strange seem to think Loki's going to get his powers back one day. It's in everyone's best interests if he's more sane than not when it happens and locking him up here doesn't get us that. If sending Loki back to Asgard isn't an option then I think this is the next best thing. For him and the rest of the world."

"If that's what you need to tell yourself," Coulson murmured, echoing Dr. Strange.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," he told her. 

She raised on eyebrow but didn't comment. Instead she added, "Besides, having him and Thor here is a distraction we really don't need. We can't rebuild SHIELD and fight off HYDRA with our attention so divided. If we had more personnel maybe it wouldn't be a problem but as it stands now, we just can't handle the extra burden. We're stretched thin enough as it is."

Sitting forward again, Coulson rested his hands on the desk. "Did you have an alternative in mind?"

"I do," May replied. She held the tablet out to him.

Coulson read the name at the top of the screen and glanced back up at her. "Really?"

"Why not?" she returned. "He's got the resources and he definitely has the space. Thor knows him. Besides, it's not like we can turn Loki over to a regular psychiatric hospital or anything like that."

He looked over the proposal again, noting the advantages May listed in it. There was a logic to what she said about Loki's sanity. If a mostly sane Loki still managed to destroy half of Manhattan, Coulson didn't want to see what the completely unhinged version would do. And she also wasn't wrong about the need to focus their attentions elsewhere. Bringing Loki in had been nothing but disruptive. The alternative she set out could work. That is, if Coulson could get the right people to agree with it.

Handing the tablet back to her, he said, "I'll make the call."

~~~|~~~

The minutes crawled by while Thor waited for Dr. Strange to finish. Neither he nor Loki gave any indication of his progress. It came as an immense relief therefore when Strange at last opened his eyes and looked up at him.

"What news?"

"It's as young Simmons said, portions of his brain are dormant. The good news is I didn't find any damage either, magical or otherwise, so it's very possible those sections will become active again."

Thor longed to be comforted by the news but all he felt was more frustration. For all the examining Loki had undergone, there were still so few satisfying answers. "But what is the cause? I've never heard of such a thing happening to our people, or to the Jötnar for that matter."

Strange made a slight shake of his head. "I can't say for certain. You are the first of your people I've ever come across, my only frame of reference. Without a great deal more study, I can only theorize."

"Please, tell me anything," Thor implored him.

After making him wait through another eternal pause, Strange said, "Sometimes when a mortal experiences trauma of unusual severity, it causes their mind to... retreat, as it were. The person may still behave and react, but they are no longer conscious of what is happening to them. It's possible something similar took place in Loki's mind. Either the spell itself or the toll it took on him could have been traumatic enough for part of him to shut down. It may be that once senses he's strong enough and safe enough he'll come out again."

"But you believe he will be himself again?"

"I don't see any reason why not," Strange told him. "There's nothing actively keeping him in this state so there's nothing to keep him from coming out of it."

At last there was something like glad news. If there was a chance, then there was hope. Thor took a moment to enjoy the feeling before asking his next question because he was almost certain he wouldn't like the answer. "And the night terrors, did you learn anything about them?"

Dr. Strange looked down at Loki, his eyes filled with pity. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes. I am of little use to him if I don't." The words made him seem confident on the surface but inside, Thor's stomach was churning at the implication the worst was still yet to come.

"On some level, the part of Loki that was trapped was aware of what the spell did. Not that he knew how or why, only that he was trapped with no way out. In that place inside his mind there was only darkness and silence. He tried desperately to free himself even though the efforts caused him pain. That alone would be enough to cause night terrors but it also seems to have triggered other memories of similar situations in his past, some very recent but one going as far back as when he was an infant."

Thor closed his eyes, all of a sudden understanding Loki's dreams as a child. After Loki's fall, Odin explained to Thor his brother's true heritage, including how he was abandoned by his blood-father as a baby. Odin told him how he found Loki alone, cast out and left to die in a Jötun temple. There was no way to know how long he lay there crying out for help that never came. Perhaps Loki was too young to remember the specific details but the emotions - the fear, the loneliness, the confusion - those would make an impression, even on an infant. He wondered how the healers never put together the awful start Loki had in life with the dreams that so terrified him as a child. Then again, they may have done so, and it was only Thor who was denied the full story to preserve their family secrecy.

"Can nothing be done?" he asked.

"Short of removing the traumatic memories themselves, no," Strange said. "And that is something I would never do without his consent."

"Nor would I ask you to." The man's ethics impressed Thor. So many who possessed great power felt that power absolved them of having to obey the same rules as followed by those they perceived as less than them. At one time Thor behaved in that manner himself but despite only knowing Strange for a mere handful of days, he was certain the sorcerer never would.

"Doctor, I'm sorry but I don't believe I've yet thanked you for all your efforts. I am forever in your debt for all you've done for my brother. If there is ever anything I can do to repay the kindness you've shown, please call on me."

Strange smiled and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "A simple 'thank you' will suffice, though I do appreciate your gratitude. And besides, I've already told you what I want in return. Help Loki find his way again and don't forget to take care of yourself."

Thor reached up and took Strange's hand from his shoulder and positioned it so they could each clasp the other's forearm the way fellow warriors did in Asgard. "I could not have asked for a better ally than you. I will do my utmost to heed your counsel."

Behind them, the door to the medical room slid open and Agent Coulson came through. "Thor, Simmons gave me a report on Loki's injuries. I'm sorry it happened on our watch. We should have anticipated something like this."

After casting a glance at Strange, Thor said, "Do not worry yourself. I have lately been reminded that sometimes there is not always someone to blame for unfortunate things such as this. Though I do hope that since you have seen proof of Loki's condition, perhaps you will consider different accommodations."

"That's actually what I came here to talk to you about. May thinks, and I'm inclined to agree, that the wrong kind of confinement will be detrimental to Loki's mental health."

"I see. Can I take from this that you are allowing me to return to Jane Foster's residence?"

Coulson frowned a little. "Not quite. Her flat in London is not what I'd call secure. We've come up with another option."

He handed Thor a tablet computer displaying a large and very familiar building on it. The suggestion left him taken aback. "I don't believe he'll agree with you."

"He already has. They all have. Preparations are underway to reconfigure one of the floors for Loki's needs. You should be able to move in in two days."

Dumbfounded, Thor could not but gape at the tablet. He had no idea what to think. For so long he tried to keep the fact of Loki's presence on Midgard a secret, even from his mortal friends, afraid that if it was known the realm would no longer be a safe haven for them. Had he really been so wrong?

Apparently reading his thoughts, Coulson said, "Maybe it's time you learn to have a little more faith in your friends."

He left without saying another word, leaving Thor to wonder just how much he had yet to learn about mortals.

~~~|~~~

Two days later, a nondescript medevac helicopter landed at a nondescript airfield on a nondescript piece of land somewhere in the United States. Waiting for it was an ambulance that was equally nondescript - on the outside. Inside it was anything but, boasting an interior reinforced with a titanium/adamantium alloy and carrying equipment and tech that was far from standard for an ordinary medical transport. It's passengers were also far from ordinary, but we'll get to that.

The rotors of the chopper slowed and came to a halt about the same time as the cabin doors opened and two men climbed out. Another emerged from the bay behind them. The two in front wore somewhat utilitarian gear and had a swagger borne of military training. The one in the back couldn't be more their opposite, wearing a simple black shirt and jeans and leaning against the chopper with slouched shoulders .

"I still don't understand why I had to ride in back. I paid for this thing," Tony Stark grumbled.

"Last time I checked you aren't qualified to pilot a helicopter," Steve Rogers told him.

"Neither are you."

"Team leader privileges," Steve deadpanned. Looking over to third member of their party, he asked, "Are you sure you're all right with this?"

Clint Barton raised one hand to adjust his sunglasses and didn't look at him directly when he answered, "Don't worry about me, Cap. Worry about our cargo."

Steve's lips formed a thin line hearing that answer but he elected not to question him further. Apart from his initial and intensely negative reaction, Barton hadn't said much about their soon-to-be houseguests at Stark Tower. The two of them hadn't worked together enough for Steve to know when to push him for answers and when to back off and since he was the only qualified pilot between them _(No, flying the suit does not a pilot make, Tony)_ the Captain let the conversation end there. They didn't need him distracted on the flight home. It was just as well that Steve let the subject drop since the ambulance crew was starting to unload. Taking point, Steve strode up to the one who had been driving, a woman dressed in a paramedic's uniform.

"Are you Agent May?

"That's me," she replied. "I don't suppose I need to ask who you are."

He answered all the same by extending his hand. "Steve Rogers." They shook and he glanced over to the back doors of the ambulance. "Anything we need to know before taking him off your hands?"

"Nothing that Coulson hasn't already told you. There hasn't been much excitement since the first day we had him. Of course, that could just be because he's been unconscious most of the time."

"Still?"

May nodded. "Give his unpredictable mental state everyone agreed he should stay that way until you get him settled in Stark Tower. The last thing you need is him going postal when you're at a few thousand feet. Thor knows how to bring him out of it once they're settled."

"I see."

"So where is our Sleeping Not-So-Beauty anyway?" Stark asked, coming up to stand next to him.

May rolled her eyes at the quip and walked around him to the back of the ambulance. Once she opened the doors, they were greeted by a familiar face. Steve was taken aback for a moment by how haggard Thor looked. Not even after the Battle of New York did he seem as worn out as he appeared now. He was hunched over inside the back of the ambulance, a vehicle not built for someone of his height, and the posture gave him even more of a weary look. The only reason Steve didn't immediately worry over his state was the smile Thor gave him. It was tired, to be sure, but genuine.

 Another agent, who for some reason looked familiar to Steve despite this being the first time they ever laid eyes on each other, was sitting across from Thor. On his hip was a gun that looked like it was something Tony had modified. Between them was the gurney holding a sleeping Loki who looked even worse than his brother; bruised, bandaged, and so thin. In fact he so resembled a Nazi death camp survivor that Steve's breath caught in his throat at the unwelcome association.

"Good to see you, Thor," he said when he recovered.

"And I you, Captain." There was an odd tone in Thor's voice, as if he was trying to convince himself of something.

"You know," Tony spoke up. "I enjoy a reunion as much as the next guy but since everyone who worked for SHIELD has a massive bull's eye on their backs I'd just as soon wrap things up before someone tries to take me out. Again."

May smirked. "I seem to recall you expressly inviting the Mandarin to take a shot at you on national television and standing out in a field in the middle of nowhere is making you nervous?"

"SHIELD didn't notice they were being infiltrated and taken over by Nazi terrorists for the last fifty years. Not the most confidence inspiring track record. Besides, I just got used to being shrapnel-free."

"Then let's get this done," Steve said, hoping to cut off the argument that Tony was trying to start. Tony never had been fond of the way SHIELD did things but even so, every once in a while it seemed like he took the revelation of HYDRA's actions harder than anyone suspected. But then, finding out your parents didn't die in an accident but were murdered would do a number on anyone. As well as he covered it, Tony wasn't unaffected.

"Trip, let's go," May called out to the agent inside the ambulance, giving no outward sign she was at all bothered by what Tony said to her. Despite that, she did give Steve a vibe that suggested it would be a bad idea for Stark to be alone in her presence at any time in the near future. She and Trip maneuvered the gurney out onto the tarmac and started rolling it to the helicopter.

The feeling of familiarity he got from Trip so nagged Steve, he had to ask, "Have we met before?"

He may have been imagining things but he'd swear the young agent's chest puffed up. "My grandfather was in the Howling Commandos. I'm Antoine Triplett."

Steve didn't recognize the last name but he did see traces of someone he remembered from his old unit in his face. He wanted to ask more about Triplett's grandfather but was stopped by Thor leaning in close.

"I must say, I was not expecting all of you to agree to take Loki in."

"Well it wasn't the most civil team meeting we've ever had," Steve admitted. "Bruce almost lost control and I thought Clint was going to mutiny. But you're our teammate and everyone agreed you deserve our support. Besides, this way we can keep an eye on Loki and minimize the risk of HYDRA or someone else getting to him. Tony's security is second to none."

Clint was waiting by the chopper and only grunted out a hello to Thor before very pointedly refusing to look at Loki. Steve was definitely going to have to have a word with him when they got back. Discomfort over Loki being there was one thing but if it interfered enough to keep Barton from being able to do his job properly, that was something that needed resolving. The sooner the better.

They loaded the gurney onto the helicopter and Thor got in beside it. Steve turned around and threw Triplett a salute as a farewell. The agent returned it with a solemn nod. Looking back at the chopper, Steve saw Thor settling in next to Loki, taking one of his gauze wrapped hands and holding it. The motions were so gentle and delicate that if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, Steve wouldn't have guessed Thor capable of them. His eyes seldom left Loki even though there really wasn't much to see with his brother still out of it. There was little resemblance to the Thor who seemed fed up with Loki by the end of their battle in New York. Something had clearly changed between them but Coulson had been tight-lipped about what that might be, saying it was Thor's story to tell. Whatever happened, it left their resident thunder god somewhat clingy when it came to his brother. Thor held his hand the entire length of the flight back to Manhattan. Through the entire flight, Tony talked his ear off detailing the modifications of the floor of the Tower that would be his home for the foreseeable future. Stark filled up the silence so thoroughly they had almost reached the tower before Steve noticed Thor hardly spoke the whole way. He was about to tell Tony to give it a rest when Tony suddenly sat up in his seat.

"Hey, we're here."

For perhaps only the second time during the flight, Thor tore his eyes away from Loki to look out the window. The rebuilt Stark Tower rose up in the center of the skyline before them, the unofficial headquarters of the Avengers since they were no longer connected with SHIELD. Clint brought them in for a landing on the helipad and commenced shutting down the bird. Tony couldn't get out of his seat fast enough. He yanked open the door and hopped out faster than Steve could describe it.

"Welcome home, buddy," Tony proclaimed.

Thor took in the sight of the tower, the landing pad, and Tony waving him out of the chopper. There was something relieved, yet profoundly sad in his expression.

"Yes," he said. "Home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning:** 1\. Loki has another panic/night terror episode which results in some unintentional self-inflicted injuries. 2. A new aspect of the trauma done to Loki because of the spell is also revealed. (I'm warning for that because it verges on psychological torture.)
> 
>    
>  _Author's Note:_ This is the end of this particular fic (not the whole series, just this story). There is an epilogue to come that is really more of a teaser for a later instalment. I'm including it here because to do it as a standalone wouldn't work, I think. The reason I'm mentioning this now is because if you don't want to be left hanging waiting for the next parts of the story, you can stop with this chapter and be fine.
> 
>  
> 
> Comments are welcome. I promise to answer each and every one.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Strange believes Loki's conscious mind has fled for the time being. Where exactly has it gone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Author's Note:_ In case you missed the notes on the last chapter, that one was the end of this fic. This is a bit of a teaser for a later instalment of the story. Think of it as the post-credits scene. ;)

Loki always loved this place. Frigga's garden is his favourite kind of quiet. From here one can't hear the sounds of palace life or the activity of the city below. There is only sounds of birds in the trees, of a light breeze fluttering through the leaves, of the fountain flowing into the pond. Yes, he loves it very much.

It's been some time since he was here, he thinks. Too long. In the back of his mind, he knows the reason for his absence is unpleasant but why it is so, Loki is not sure. There are whispers in his mind of terrible memories, of darkness, of pain, of a great loss. They murmur at the edges of his awareness, hinting of time spent in a prison unlike anything he had ever known. Memories such as that have no place here, Loki decides, so he will pay them no notice. He refuses to acknowledge them, and thus they have no power over him. He can stay here, in this peaceful place, and nothing of that darkness will touch him again. Here, he will be free.

Bending down, Loki gently fingers the delicate petals of a flower and thinks he remembers the day his mother planted it. She searched far and wide through the fields of Alfheim for the perfect blossom to add to her sanctuary. He was just a child then, and to his youthful eyes, one flower was the same as the next. Regarding it now through the eyes of age and experience, he sees it. He sees, and knows she was right. It is perfect.

A rustle of silk comes from behind him. Loki does not turn, not at first. He doesn't have to, to know it's her.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" she asks.

"Indeed," he replies, standing straight once more and turning to look at her. "But none so beautiful as you, I think."

She smiles at the compliment. "You always did know how to charm your mother, didn't you?" Frigga comes to him and wraps her arms about his neck. "My clever boy. How I have missed you."

Loki embraces her in return. Somehow, Loki thinks he once believed he would never have the chance to hold her again, although why he can't quite remember. The thought troubles him though, and he holds her tight to his chest, as if at any moment she might disappear. There is a moment, just the briefest instant, where he knows down to the depths of his soul that this is wrong. Something about this place and about her is simply not what it should not be. The feeling startles him with its intensity but for all its strength, it fades as quickly as it came. It fades, and Loki is left with only the feeling of his mother's arms around him, the soft scent of her hair tickling his nose, the warmth of her love flowing over him just as surely as the breeze that brushes past them both. So Loki forgets that awful feeling of wrongness and revels in the embrace. He forgets it, because he has his mother. How could anything in all the world be wrong with that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for lucky number 13! Thanks for hanging in there even though my updates didn't come as fast as I promised at the start. 
> 
> As always, comments are very welcome. (Am I evil? I think I'm evil.)
> 
> Comments are lovely. :)
> 
> You can also come say Hi to me on tumblr at [ theclassicblunders](http://theclassicblunders.tumblr.com).


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